Oral History with Faytriana Brown

Govinda - Interviewer:

So it's a really awesome project. We're also using it not only to tell the story of the Blue Ridge area pride community, because we've had this history here for so long and it's just not documented anywhere. This is the way that we're trying to get those stories and that history of this area is by talking to people like yourself who have lived here and have participated in building up the community as it is today.

Fay:

Wonderful.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Yeah.

Fay:

I'm honored. Thank you.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Yeah. Well, I talked to ... I did an interview with Ida Carolina and she mentioned that you were a big wig, literally, in the area.

Fay:

Aw.

Govinda - Interviewer:

... and to reach out to you. Then another important thing that they're doing with the archive is needs mapping. So basically we'll talk about any kind of programs or places or people who were really helpful to you in your lifetime 00:01:00here and what kind of needs you have that are being met, that aren't being met well. What things could be useful for you? We're going to use that information to try and build new programing and get funding for different things in the area. So it's a really awesome thing that you're going to help us out with that information today.

Fay:

Wonderful, wonderful.

Govinda - Interviewer:

You're just telling the story of you and that's how we'll get all that information. That really helps us out.

Fay:

Oh Lord, the story of me.

Govinda - Interviewer:

All right, so let me find my ... There's a little scripted bit that I read at the beginning and then we'll start. You'll just tell me about yourself and how you grew up and how you came to be here.

Fay:

All right.

Govinda - Interviewer:

If you will tell me your name and your pronouns, and the year and where you were born.

Fay:

I am my stage name, my government, what am I ...

Govinda - Interviewer:

Whatever you're comfortable with.

Fay:

I'm Faytriana Brown offstage.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Okay.

Fay:

Onstage, I'm the legendary Ms. Faytriana Evans.

Govinda - Interviewer:

That's it. The legend.

Fay:

Of legends. I was born December 23, 1981. I grew up in Virginia.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Virginia.

Fay:

Virginia, honey.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Wow.

Fay:

Mother is Sharon Brown, father is James Howard Brown. They call him Ricky.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Okay.

Fay:

What else did you need?

Govinda - Interviewer:

What are your pronouns? What pronouns do you use?

Fay:

I use she, her, Ms, anything female.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Excellent. All right, my dear. Well thank you for that. That's kind of the 00:03:00important bits that we need at the beginning, and now I'll do my little bit. Today's date is October 8th. My name is Govinda Wagner. I'm talking with Ms. Faye Evans. Their preferred pronouns are she, her. How long have you been living in Asheville? I guess, are you up in Johnson City now?

Fay:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Govinda - Interviewer:

Okay, how long have you been in Johnson City?

Fay:

Permanently, I've been here since 2008, but I had been working in the Asheville community and the Tennessee community since '97. So it's been a while.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Yeah, it's a long history in the area. That's really cool. Did you move here from Virginia or were there some other stops along the way?

Fay:

I moved here straight from Virginia. I was still in high school when I moved here.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Okay. What high school did you go to?

Fay:

I went to Marion Senior High School in Marion, Virginia. Go Scarlet Hurricanes.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Okay. Very cool. What brought you to the Asheville area?

Fay:

The shows. My drag mother is Jacqueline St. James. At 15 years old, I was feeling a little lost. I knew that I was part of the LGBT community, but I did not know that I was transgender. I was searching for more and my friend Jerry Elswick in Marion, Virginia, he has a salon, Ultimate Image. His partner at the time, Buster, they were coming to New Beginnings. I was like, I want to go. They 00:05:00were like, well honey, if you had a fake ID you could go. So I, being the genius that I am, I took off and went to my cousin Chris. I said, can I borrow your ID? He was like, no problem, because I knew his birthday, social security number. I knew the whole bit.

Fay:

So I told my sister, my older sister, my idol Riqina ... I told her, I was like, if I look like a girl, they won't clock the ID. So will you do my makeup. So not knowing anything about drag or anything like that, we put a wig on and she did my little makeup, my little day face, they call it. I went to New Beginnings and got in. Chris was over 21, so I get marked over 21. That's how everyone thinks I'm classical elite. Not yet. Then when I made it in, it was like I had found my 00:06:00tribe, honey. I was like, this is where I'm supposed to be at.

Fay:

Jacqueline had took me to Asheville with her because she was booked. The atmosphere in Asheville is like no other I've ever experienced. It was open arms and welcoming and encouraging. The brother and sisterhood of it all, it was just amazing. Then I got on the show Scandals, and the rest is history.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Wow. That was at 15?

Fay:

Yeah.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Busted into New Beginnings.

Fay:

Yeah, I got into New Beginnings at 15.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Then drag too I guess for your first time. Is that what you would consider the first time you were in drag?

Fay:

That was the first time that I stepped out in drag. They gave me the nickname Fish because I looked like a girl. They didn't know that I was a drag queen or 00:07:00anything like that. They thought I was a girl coming out. I was like, well no honey. I was like, I'm a boy.

Govinda - Interviewer:

That's amazing. So what was it like ... You grew up in Virginia and you mentioned a bit that you knew you were LGBT, although maybe you didn't quite know the terminology then. What is it that helped you kind of figure that kind of stuff out do you think?

Fay:

Well, growing up with my grandmother, I never knew what she meant by it. She always said don't worry about what anybody has to say about you in life. Keep your nose in your books and go to school for the both of us, because she never made it past 5th grade. I was like, yes ma'am. I knew that I was different. I knew that I liked boys, but there was something else in me. So living in Marion, 00:08:00I lived right by the public library. So I went every day and I read every book in there on sexuality.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Wow.

Fay:

I closed the last book and I was like, I'm transgender. I knew I felt like a girl. I knew that I wanted to be a girl. I identify with a girl. When someone treated a girl bad, it would make me so mad. After I had read upon it, I had looked in a mirror and I told myself you're going to have to put your armor on because it's going to get tough. If this is who you are, you're going to have to have Teflon skin, sweet heart. You're going to have to deflect everything that comes at you, stand your ground, don't let anyone put you down, don't let anyone run over top of you. You're nobody's doormat.

Fay:

From that point on, that's how I lived. In school and everything else, my 00:09:00guidance counselor to this day comes and sees my shows. Yeah, she told me, "Everything you said you were in school," she said, "You're so much more." I just knew that I had to be more than just another number, so to say, or another statistic, or another gay boy. I just knew I had to make my mark and, to make my mark, I had to make it through it.

Govinda - Interviewer:

That's incredible and really, really wonderful. So when you found some community here, it sounds like you knew Jacqueline already. How did you meet your drag mom?

Fay:

That first night that I had went into New Beginnings, I was in awe. I was amazed and everybody was laughing, dancing, having a good time, not a care in the 00:10:00world. I was like, are you serious, this is how they live? Wow. I was like, okay, I want to live in this forever. Then I heard that famous overture, "Ladies and gentlemen, please be seated. The show is about to begin." I said, what is going on? My friends pulled me off the dance floor and the show started.

Fay:

My first show was Cybal Channel, Jacqueline St. James, Maxi Houston and Carmen Michaels.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Carmen Michaels.

Fay:

I stood there with my jaw on the floor. Cybal Channel came out and she did "No More I Love Yous" by Annie Lennox. She had this butterfly costume on and she did this pedestal turn, and I about fainted. I had tears running down my cheeks. I didn't know why I was crying. I was like, I want to be her. My friends are like, 00:11:00you know those are drag queens and stuff like that. I was like, okay what does that mean? Those are guys that ...

Fay:

I was like, you are lying to me. I said I have to do this. Then, after Cybal had left the stage, Jacqueline St. James had hit the floor. I wanted to be Cybal, but I wanted to be Jackie with that attitude. She came down, on her forehead, her eyebrow cocked to her hairline. Honey, she just commands the attention of everybody in the room. I was like, oh my goodness, how do they have such confidence? How do they just come out and do this?

Fay:

Then Maxi Houston came out. She's a large queen, but the joy that read when she was on stage, it couldn't be beat. I never knew that happiness that she exuded, but I knew I wanted a piece of it. So after the show, Carmen Michaels came out and did Janice Joplin. Just until recently I found out that it wasn't Jack Daniels she killed on stage. It was sweet tea, but she had a whole bottle of 00:12:00Jack Daniels and she downed the whole bottle. I thought she was God. I said, yes ma'am.

Fay:

After the show, everybody introduced me to Jacqueline. I was pulled into the room in a circle and Jackie was just like, "Hey Fish," and just accepted me. Gave me a hug. She was like, you're mine. I was like, yes ma'am. From then on, I watched her, I studied her, I listened to her, I learned from her. When my mother, at the time ... me and my mother were having problems. Jacqueline stepped in and she molded me, she guided me, she scolded me, she praised me like a mother should. I couldn't imagine my life without Jacqueline.

Govinda - Interviewer:

That's incredible. That's such a beautiful, beautiful thing. I'm so happy to be sharing this conversation with you. That's so cool to hear about.

Fay:

It was a ride, honey.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Oh, I know. I've met Jacqueline and a couple of these people too at different shows now, and I think that's awesome. I've seen you perform as well with the amazing, amazing talents.

Fay:

Thank you.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Talking with all the legends. So you were finishing high school in the 90s in rural Appalachian here. What can you tell me about that? What was that experience like?

Fay:

I had a lovely time.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Really?

Fay:

I was okay with myself, so what everyone else had to say, it didn't matter to 00:14:00me. I was cheerleader. I twirled flag in the band.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Oh, awesome.

Fay:

I was a competitive gymnast for 11 years. I was a dancer for 15 years. So I'd wear my high heeled boots to school. I'd get my hair done. Magic Nails was my savior. I'd get my nails done. I was just being me. There was a show on MTV called My So Called Life, and Ricky on there, that was me in school. That was my story. I wrestled in school. I played sports. I went undefeated my 8th grade to senior year.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Wow.

Fay:

Well, you give me every school sign me up.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Boots and taking names.

Fay:

I just told myself it doesn't matter what people say. My grandmother running my ears and I was like, it's not what you're called, it's what you answer to. When people see that it didn't effect me and it didn't bother me, and I would just give it right back to them, everybody embraced me. It was crazy in school. I had to go before the school board because there was issues with me being in the men's locker room or the men's bathroom. I was like, let's cut this short because I've got to get back to class. Send me to the girl's bathroom or locker room and let's be done with this.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Wow.

Fay:

So they did.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Wow. That's great. I guess progressive of them for the time.

Fay:

Yeah. Then I still get messages from people I went to school with and stuff like that. Some of the guys that I went to school with was like ... I don't remember it, but one guy told me ... He's like, "You don't remember the fight we got into 00:16:00behind the middle school, back of the middle school at the track?" I was like, "No." He was picking on somebody. He said my neck got to swiveling and I started telling him to leave people alone. He said, before he knew it, I had jumped on him. Coach had to pull me off of him. He said, "Ever since them I have so much respect for you."

Fay:

I was like, well, I just don't like people being messed with. Leave people alone. Stop being a bully. That's it. School was ... I wish I could go back to the halls of my high school. It was the best years of my life really.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Well, I'm glad. I'm glad that you had the positive experience there. Did they have ... A lot of people in my generation started having gay/straight alliances or gender and sexuality groups. Did you have anything, like a support group in 00:17:00your youth or growing up?

Fay:

No. I had none of that. In school, we had the multicultural awareness club, but we touched base on different issues and stuff like that. Nothing specifically for the LGBT youth and stuff like that. Nothing like that.

Govinda - Interviewer:

I see. You were finding all that stuff out in the library, which is really cool. Does anything you read ... Is there anything you read back then sticking out to you? Did you read about anybody or any specific historic events that you read about that really stuck with you and inspired you?

Fay:

I would read about the history and stuff like that. I read about Stonewall and stuff like that. I would watch ... On TV, they would do footage on the gay pride 00:18:00and stuff like that. I used to sneak and watch the Rupaul Show and stuff like that.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Okay. That's all 80s and 90s, yeah.

Fay:

Then when they would do pride of New York and stuff like that, I would be watching it on TV. I just wanted to be a part of it. That's a little bit how my mom came to find out, because we had issues. Honey, we had issues. She came home and I was watching it. She was just like, look at this. She's like, what is the rainbow and stuff like that, just out of nowhere. I was just explaining the rainbow and what it represents, and how it represents anybody who is down to love whoever. She just side eyed me. I was like, oh god, did I say too much.

Fay:

I've always been stuff like that, but I just knew that I had to find a new me. I couldn't look to anybody else for that security or that comfort. It had to start first with me.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Were you accepted in your family, or what was it like coming out to them? Did you come out to them?

Fay:

I marched the drum corp. I marched DCI. It was like the gay boy heaven, honey. My friends, they gave me a rainbow necklace to wear when I was at camp and stuff. I was listening to my Dance Now CDs, or what was it? Those Jock Jam CDs and stuff ... I think it was LaBouche or somebody I was listening to and getting ready to go to camp. I had my necklace on just in the mirror with myself and forgot I had it on. So my ride was there and I ran downstairs to get my check 00:20:00from mom and stuff like that. I had it on and she was like, "Why do you got that rainbow necklace on. You want everybody to think that you're gay?" I was like, "Yeah, bye."

Fay:

She came chasing me. She was like, "James, we're going to have a talk when you get home." "Okay mom, bye."

Govinda - Interviewer:

Bye. Yes, I want everyone to think I'm gay.

Fay:

Yes. Then I was just like, "Please don't tell dad. Please don't tell dad." She's like, "I won't." She told dad. But it was like my mom, she felt like it was her fault. We went through it and stuff like that because she had her cousin ... her best friend was gay and ended up contracting AIDs and stuff like that. That's when it, back then, was the big scare and stuff like that. Mom didn't want me to 00:21:00become that or become sick or anything like that. She felt it was her fault and she didn't know how to handle it. So we kind of bumped heads a lot. Her not knowing that I was going through an identity crisis, and she thought that I was just looking for attention and stuff like that and it wasn't that. I was looking for love.

Fay:

It's scary growing up when you don't identify with he but you have to live that. So we kind of went through it and I ended up in juvi. I ended up sleeping at a park. She threw my stuff out of the house. It was hell, but I was okay with is. I knew that somehow, someway I knew that everything would be okay. That's how my guidance counselor came to love me and come to my shows is I would sleep in the 00:22:00park and get dressed in the bathroom. I was falling asleep in class and stuff like that, so she pulled me in the office. She was like, "This is not you. What's going on?" I told her, the chairs fell. She was like, "Do you need help?" I was like, "No, I don't need anything. I'm okay. Everything is going to be fine."

Fay:

She was like, "You're such an amazing spirit," and stuff like that. I was like, "I'm just me." I was like, "Me and my mom, we'll be all right. I just got to get through this." I will and I did. Now my mom is my best friend. She calls me her daughter. She brags on me and shows my pictures to everybody. My mom, she's my rock.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Aw, I'm really glad you got some reconnection there. That doesn't always happen.

Fay:

Yeah. I tell her that too. She went to my Aunt JuJu. I call her my aunt, my aunt 00:23:00Julia. She passed away. She went to my Aunt Julia and she was like, "What do I do?" My Aunt Julia is like, "What do you mean what do you do. That's your child. You love him. You embrace him. It's a scary time for him as well. You love no different. Just listen to him. Just be there for him and stuff like that." That's how we became ... instead of talking at each other, we would talk to each other and listen to each other.

Fay:

Them mom kind of ... When I won tri city, she was like, "I think I'm ready." I was like, "For what?" She was like, "To see you in your element." She came to New Beginnings. I wore my crown and dedicated a song to her. She just cried. She says, "I never knew that you were so beautiful." I'll never forget that. I was like, "Mom, I'm beautiful because you loved me. Because of your love, I'm this beautiful."

Govinda - Interviewer:

I'm going to cry. So great.

Fay:

But DJ Bob came out of the DJ booth and slow danced, and danced with my mom. They embraced and stuff like that. Even in school, all my friends to this day call mom Momma Brown and stuff. They could go to my mom and talk to her about personal issues. My momma had a candy dish with condoms in it. She always talked to us about practicing safe sex. If you're going to be sexually active, you have to practice safe sex. Don't do this, don't do ... My mom was that kind of mom. We were open book type family. We didn't sugar coat nothing. My mom would give it to us raw as hell. She still does.

Fay:

My mom, she's a firecracker. She's not the firecracker. She's I don't even know. She's feisty. My friends and stuff, she embraces my friends that come home with me now. She loves all the LGBT, all the kids. She loves, loves, loves them.

Govinda - Interviewer:

That's really awesome. She lives in Johnson City also?

Fay:

She lives in White Hill, Virginia.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Okay. I'm glad you get to visit with her and you have such a nice connection with her now. That's really amazing.

Fay:

Yeah, I was telling her about the interview and she's so proud. She was like, "Honey, you can use anything about your past and stuff like that." She was like, "That's part of you. That's what made you you." She's like, "I can't wait." I was like, "Well, thank you mom."

Govinda - Interviewer:

That's really awesome to have that support.

Fay:

Yeah.

Govinda - Interviewer:

So when you moved to Johnson City, you got in with Ms. Jacqueline St. James. What was it like in your early career? How did you start performing? What were you inspired by then?

Fay:

I knew I wanted to do shows and stuff. I watched the girls in Asheville. I 00:26:00watched the girls in Johnson City. I watched the girls everywhere really. I was like, how do I get on the show. So they said talent shows. Being in theater, being a dancer, being a gymnast and stuff like that, the stage is my life. I was like, this is something different. I remember I looked crazy, but my talent was so much more. So I did Deborah Cox "Nobody's Supposed to be Here." Back then, like I said, I was a gymnast and stuff. So I was like, I have to do something that is going to single me out. It has to be something that I lay down. I have to make a moment or do something that's going to put my stamp on it.

Fay:

So I got out there and I incorporated my dance background and my gymnastics 00:27:00background all into my show and wowed them. I won my first talent show ever. The first talent show I entered I won.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Okay.

Fay:

They were just like, wow. So the next time they said, "Could you be the special guest on Friday?" I'm like, "Already?" I'm like, "Sure." Todd O'Hara, that's my first child is Todd O'Hara. Well, Bubbles O'Hara. Oh Lord, he would kill if he heard I said Bubbles. But Bubble O'Hara is my first child. He could sew his behind off at 12, 13 years old. His sewing skills are unbelievable.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Wow.

Fay:

So he made all my costumes. I got him in the club when he was 15. He started sewing for Jacqueline and everybody. After that first talent show, he's just 00:28:00like, it went so fast and I was just caught up in everything, and I became this girl to beat, this powerhouse in the drag world. I was just like, what do you mean? I'm juts out there having fun. I didn't know anything about the competition part of it, the aspects of ... the pageant stuff. I thought it was just another talent show and shows, but Jacqueline was like, "You have everything at your fingertips and you just don't even know it." She's like, "You are so talented and everything." She was like, "We're going to do something with it."

Fay:

She prepared me for the pageant world, competition and stuff like that. Her guidance, she taught me right from wrong, but she let me make my own mistakes. She's like, you're going to have to learn life can't be taught. Experience is 00:29:00the best teacher. She would scold me when I would do bad, and I would look to her for answers sometimes when I was confused and stuff like that. She taught me how to carry myself. She taught me what not to do and who to get in with or who not to get involved with, what crowds to avoid and stuff like that. It was ... I'm about to get emotional. It was everything.

Fay:

I'm Faytriana because of her. I want to be her daughter. I used to go up to her and I'd grab her chest and I'd shake them. I was like, "I want them so bad." She was like, "Girl, I'm going to tell you like this. If you want them, go get them."

Govinda - Interviewer:

There you go.

Fay:

She was like, "Girl, you are a girl. You are a woman with or without." I was 00:30:00like, "Oh no, I have to have them." So Jackie is the reason why I'm living my truth. I am she, I am her.

Govinda - Interviewer:

That's awesome that you had that support there. Then also with her guidance, you're out here smashing titles and winning crowns. What was the pageant circle like. Tell me about some of your titles now.

Fay:

Oh Lord. Ms. New Beginnings, Ms. Tri Cities, Western North Carolina, US of A, Tennessee USA, Tennessee US of A at Large. Tennessee International Plus.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Okay.

Fay:

Just to name a few. When I stepped off into the drag world ... Scandals, doing the show, Artie and TJ ... that's a aurora borealis, honey. They seen something 00:31:00in me that I didn't, but everybody else did. I was like ... Coming to Asheville, I got polished because, to be on the show at Scandal, you have to have fresh tights, you have to have body, you had to have nails, you had to be together. When I stepped off into the pageant world and I when I won my first title, I was like, oh wow. Okay. So then it was a whirlwind from there. The show's I was booked, booked, booked, booked, booked.

Fay:

Then I didn't know anything about the USA system. I did Western North Carolina USA and I went with Roxie, I went with China and Celeste, Hollywood, Angelica. I went with all those girls to North Carolina USA. I didn't know anything about 00:32:00the interview part of it. I went in there looking like Tiger Hoods. I had kakis and a polo on. Everybody else is dressed for the interview. I was just like, uh oh, what have I gotten into. Then the whole week we were there for the pageant, I was just like, this is another world, this is another level of competition.

Fay:

So I got out there and did my talent and stuff like that. They were like, she danced to that whole mix of Dive in the Pool. That flipping and tricks, and all this and all that. So I was like ... I made my name. I made my mark. I didn't make final night, but I made my mark. Then I studied up on the systems. I don't think there's anybody that knows the systems like me.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Wow.

Fay:

I studied the system, study, study, study, study, study. This is like many 00:33:00athletes, like any boxer, any football team, any basketball team. You watch your opponents. You do your homework. I would watch and study up on every heavy hitter in the industries. In all the USA or America, all the pageants, I would do my homework. I was like, okay, she's a heavy hitter in this, so I have to bring it like this and that category. But she serves in this, so I have to not hold back and hit the gas pedal on her. When I did Tennessee USA at large, my promoter at the time was a snake and I didn't know it.

Fay:

So he shaded me and, at Tennessee USA, I should have known then, but I didn't. 00:34:00He didn't bring my gown. I never wore my Coco Vega. I don't even know where it's at now. I paid all this money. My Coco Vega didn't show. My dancers came from Asheville, but they came with another queen. They didn't bring my props. They didn't bring anything. They were dancing for her, not me.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Wow.

Fay:

I was like, She was current reigning Ms. USA. I went to her crying. I was like, "Please tell me you have a gown." I went through her gowns and tried them on and stuff like that. This black and fusia gown just fit me like a glove, and I said this is the one. I had a costume that wasn't quite finished yet, but it was strong. So I just had my bathrobe on and I asked one of Andrea's kids, my 00:35:00nephew. I was like, "Do you know the part in Waiting to Exhale when John leaves Bernie?" He was like, "Like the back of my hand." I gave him the CD and I was like, "Please learn this and please dress like ..." He was like, "Auntie, I got you."

Fay:

So I went out there and I sat at the table and went through the talent. When it got to the part, "Fire" by Dulche. Fire, fire, here's a lesson you will learn. When it got to that, something ignited in me and everything that I feeling, I felt like I was being betrayed and I was so hurt. I let it out on the dance floor. I don't remember the second part of my talent. I just remember standing in front of a judges panel, and there was a judge that was looking down and wasn't writing anything. She was just tapping her pen and was looking down. I 00:36:00bucked ... Bucking is dancing hard, honey.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Fay:

I bucked and I bucked and I bucked. I'm my head, I was telling her I'm not moving until you look up. I'm not going anywhere until you look up. She looked up at me and she nodded her head, and I took of spinning. I remember doing my back handspring down into a split and the kids beating the walls down. Then the end of my talent. I was standing there and I felt like I was vibrating. The tears were running down my cheeks. I remember crying, and I just heard Layla and them on the microphone saying, "By herself, she danced this house in to a tisey," I heard Layla say and I walked off stage and I remember just having to come out of the zone that I was in.

Fay:

I couldn't' hear anybody that was talking to me. I could taste iron in my mouth. 00:37:00I had a heartbeat in my ears. It gives me cold chills now thinking about it and I won.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Wow.

Fay:

I won, and it just took me to a place. I was just like, you are kidding me. I remember there was a drag forum. It's CarryFairfield.com. Anything you want to know about the pageants or any girls in the pageant competition, that was the forum to read. Somebody had said in the USA section, who's the girls to watch out for this year. They were like ... they said somebody. Then they were like, there's China from Asheville, North Carolina. She's always a strong contender. Then there's this new girl, Faytriana Evans from Johnson City, Tennessee Cybal Channel and Jacqueline St. James stomping ground. She can't be stopped.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Ooh.

Fay:

When I read that and I read the comments on Faytriana, I was like, "Bitch, you 00:38:00were at the top of the brackets to win in Berlin. They were like, I was supposed to win in 2005 Ms. USA. Was I ready to win? Yes. I mean, could I have won? Yes. Was I ready? No. My promoter at the time took everything from me. Michael Trivet and my promoter sat me down the night before we were supposed to go to Texas. I had to rent vans from Enterprise. I had done everything I knew to do and had to do. I was ready. Sat me down and was like, "We don't think that you're strong enough to go."

Govinda - Interviewer:

Wow.

Fay:

"We want you to sign this paper resending your first runner up." I was like, "Haha that's funny. I know y'all playing." Whatever. They weren't playing. I had 00:39:00legal issues before all this and Michael Trivet, we talked about it later on. He said it was on my promoter and he was going off of what my promoter was telling him. He used the legal thing against me, knowing I was scared of the legal system, stuff like that from what I've been through. "If you don't sign this paper saying you're first runner up, we're going to ... I have to take legal action."

Fay:

I just started crying. I was like, please bring this title home. I'm the one that should bring an all national title to us. Please, I worked my butt of. I have been drug through the mud. I have been talked about. I have been beat down. I was like, the door is open. All I got to do is walk through it. I was like, I 00:40:00know if I have to go by myself, I know I can do this. Nope, it wasn't in the cards for me. So I had to watch my dream go up in flames as my first runner up went.

Fay:

All the kids from Asheville came back and told me. To this day, every time I see the queen, she's like, "Sister, I am so sorry." I was like, "It's not your fault. I love you with everything in me." The dancers came back after nationals and was like, "You could have danced by yourself and won." It's okay. Then this is part of the story where everybody says the fall of Faytriana. That was the fall. That was the beginning of the fall because, when you're that good and you're at the top, and something happens out of your control and they take it 00:41:00from you, it sends you into a dark place.

Fay:

I went into a dark place. I went into drugs. I went into alcohol. I was like, if y'all don't care, I don't care. I became that rowdy girl. I'm going to talk shit, I'm going to tell you as real at is comes. If I like you, I like you. If I don't, I don't. I'm going to get tore up. I'm going to get messed up. If you don't like it, get over it. I got that mentality. It's like, clearly you don't care about me, so why should I care about you. If I'm doing my show, as long as my show is on, don't worry about it. Don't worry about my personal life and stuff like that.

Fay:

When people care about you, they do worry. After that, you have to be a strong minded person and you have to be a strong willed person to come out of that dark place because that dark place is so heavy and it consumes you, and it overtakes 00:42:00your life to where you can't breathe. It's like you're living under water. I finally said, my story is not over. This is not how you want to go out Faye. Back then there was a Myspace page. It was a fake Myspace page, but it had different pictures of different people around. They had little captions under it like, the biggest closet case or the most STDs, or this or that.

Fay:

There's a big picture of me and it said the biggest falling star. I was like ... that hurt me. I was like, I'm not fallen. I'm not burnt out. My light is just dim. Can you hear me?

Govinda - Interviewer:

Yes, ma'am.

Fay:

I'm having trouble hearing you.

Govinda - Interviewer:

I'm just sad. I'm listening to you.

Fay:

Oh.

Govinda - Interviewer:

I'm saying, mm-hmm (affirmative).

Fay:

Yeah, the story ... Everybody is like, "Wow, Faye, what can we do?" I was like, "It's okay."

Govinda - Interviewer:

Yeah.

Fay:

I'm okay with it. Did it hurt? Yeah, of course it hurt. Was it going to stop me? If I wasn't Faytriana, yes it would have stopped me. But I knew that there was something else I wanted. There was something more. I was like, I'm not going to give up on my dream. This is my dream. I want to be national. I'm going to be national. So I was just like, Faye, get it together, and I did.

Govinda - Interviewer:

I hear it in there. Then what? What happened next? What changed for you?

Fay:

I'm trying to ... For some reason my volume is not ... hello?

Fay:

What changed was watching Jackie's video. When she won and they were tipping her, she's in her crown and stuff like that and everybody's come to tip her, they started chanting her name when she won. I was like, oh my goodness. I was like, that's what I want. I want to know that. Then one of her team members had come up to give her a hug. Are you there?

Govinda - Interviewer:

Yes, ma'am.

Fay:

Okay, there you are. One of her team members came up and gave her a hug, and 00:45:00Jackie screamed. I was like, that right there is what I want to feel. I want to experience that right there. I tell her every time. I say, "When you screamed, I want to scream. I want to know that feeling. What you're going through right then? What's pulsating through you right then? I want to know that feeling. I watch all these greats and all my idols and stuff like that, the big wigs of the industries and stuff like that, the royalty. When they walk through the door, no introduction is needed. They just part ways, pull out their chair. They're just royalty. They're like pillars in the community and everybody just looks up to them.

Fay:

I was like, I want to be that. I want to be more than a fallen star. So I picked myself up and I dusted myself off, and I started all over. I was like, I'm not 00:46:00going to be the same Faytriana. I want to be a better Faytriana. I'm like, so yes I embrace everything that I've been through. I'm an open book. All you have to do is ask me and I'm going to tell you the truth. It's not their side, my side, and then the truth. No, these are facts, honey, and facts are facts.

Fay:

Anybody that asks me and stuff like that, I would tell them the truth. Yes, I fail. Yes, I went through this. Yes, I came out of it. I wish I had a me back then. Nowadays, with the kids and stuff like that, I let them make their own way, but as soon as I see them veering off the road, I'm there to bump them back on. Don't go that way, that way is rough terrain, honey. You don't want to go that route. Stay smooth sailing. I wish I had a me back then, but I had to reach 00:47:00rock bottom, and then I just picked myself back up.

Fay:

When I met Eureka she was 17.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Oh.

Fay:

I said, what do you want to do? She told me all she wanted to do and her dreams and stuff like that. I said, "I'll just ask one thing. Just listen to me." I said, "I'll get you there and I'll take you as far as I can take you. Just listen to me," and she did. I knew that, if I couldn't do it anymore, I wanted to push somebody else to their dream, just encourage the kids. When they feel like they can't do it, I'm there to tell them yes you can. Don't ever, ever, ever day you can't. I was like, because the stuff that I've been through and 00:48:00I've survived, I could write a book and you wouldn't believe it.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Fay:

So I told them, if this is what you want to do, do it the best you can. Go hard. Don't be tempted by this stuff over here because everything that looks good is not good for you and everything that glitters is not gold. I'm just like, stay true to your craft and stay true to who you are, and I'll get you there. Once I get you there, it's up to you what you do with it. Jackie too. Jackie did the same thing with me.

Fay:

She knew that I was in a bad way and stuff like that. No matter how much you bitch or how much you fuss at somebody, until they're ready, they will never 00:49:00come out of it.

Govinda - Interviewer:

I hear that.

Fay:

You can't force somebody out of it. When somebody's tired of being sick and tired, and they want more, then they'll come out of it. I wanted more. I'm so tired of seeing disappointment in people's eyes. Yes, I would show up for my shows and my gigs and stuff like that, but a part of me wasn't there. I'd be faded. I had to have a cocktail. I had to have this or I had to have that to get through it. But once I hit the stage I would light up. When I seen videos of myself and I would see myself sloppy or kind of messy on stage, or stumbling or something like that, I'm like, Faye that's not you.

Fay:

So I let everything go and asked myself what's more important. I didn't know that I had a following like I did and a lot of people looked up to me the way they did. So I did it for them as well. I didn't want to let anybody else down. Yeah.

Govinda - Interviewer:

So it sounds like you found a community that was supporting you or you had your own circle. Was that mainly your drag family?

Fay:

No, it was everybody really.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Okay.

Fay:

I will say Asheville more so than Johnson City. Johnson City is very dog eat dog. It's very cut throat and people smile in your face and then, as soon as you leave the room, they're like girl. You know what I'm saying? Asheville, it was just they embraced me. I was a part of their sisterhood. I would spend the night at people's houses and stuff like that and they would just ... To this day, we call each other, we talk. They make sure I'm okay. They'll say, "Faye, I haven't 00:51:00heard from you in a while. Are you all right, sis? What's going on with you?"

Fay:

They can hear it in my voice. The way that they would hear it in my voice or see it in my eyes, "What's wrong girl?" I'm like, "nothing's wrong." They'd be like, "Faye, don't lie to us. We know you." Then a tear would drop my eye and I'm just like, "I'm fine. I'm just going through something." Asheville, my sisters and brothers in Asheville, I could talk to them without fear of judgment. I could talk to them in confidence that they won't go no further. They listen instead of just hearing me. The Asheville community is really what brought me out of the darkness. The reception when I come ... as soon as I step out of the car, it's 00:52:00like, "Faye."

Fay:

I didn't get that. I didn't know how big my name was or what my name meant to people, or what my opinion meant to people. It still to this day kind of shakes me a little bit because they're just like, "Well, you're Faytriana Evans, girl." I'm like, "Yeah. So? That doesn't mean anything." They were just like, "Girl, you don't understand. You're an idol. You're legendary. You're this girl that just came and took everything by storm and just say what you feel and feel what you say. You don't sugar coat anything for anybody." It's just wild.

Fay:

TJ will talk to me and stuff like that. When I see the emotion in some people, I was just like, wow these people really love me. Off the stage, me personally, 00:53:00they care. I don't have to be afraid. I don't have to hide anything from anybody. I'll always, always, always hold Asheville dear to my heart. That's my home away from home.

Govinda - Interviewer:

What do you feel the difference is in Asheville than in Johnson City? What makes it more, I guess, of a hostile? You said dog eat dog kind of vibe in Johnson City and not in Asheville.

Fay:

I don't know. Asheville, the spirit in Asheville, the vibe and stuff like that is just so welcoming and so friendly, and stuff like that. In Johnson City, it's more who is this or, oh girl, she's this or she's that, or who's wearing the best or who's dating who. Who drives the best or who paints the best. It's just 00:54:00not trying to help your sister out with her eyebrows or help her out with her blend. It's just like, girl, she looks like a clown. It's just very much so that. Although, in Asheville, we do kiki. It's not shade when you say it to somebody's face, honey.

Fay:

I always tell people I don't throw shade, I shed light. If I say, "Girl, you look like Hatchet Face from Cry Baby. Let's fix this." It doesn't come from a malicious place. It comes from a place of love. You're supposed to kiki and laugh with me because I'm getting ready to show you how to blend or how to cut your cheek bones to fit your face, or how to bring you into your own.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Taking care of each other.

Fay:

Asheville is a trip, honey. The girls in Asheville, they kiki. They laugh with me. They keep me in stitches. They'll talk about my weight or they'll talk about 00:55:00this or that, or talk about I'm not back flipping no more and stuff like that. But the inside, it's not a place of being mean. It's a place of love. We sit and we reminisce and laugh about old times and stuff like that, and create new ones. I'm trying to bring that spirit back to Johnson City and try to bring the girls together because, back in the day, it could be 12, 13 of us doing a talent show and we all are creating our looks together. We're all having a drag jam session, helping each other out. We all compete with each other, not against each other.

Fay:

Whoever won, they won. Then we'd just go back to the drawing board for next week and, whoever wins, wins. We just stay like that. We helped each other. Now Johnson City is ... the girls don't know the history of drag. They don't know 00:56:00who anybody is. I'm just like, how can y'all be on this stage without knowing the history of all this and all that. You just know that people just want to step on the stage in Asheville and step on the stage in Johnson City, but do you know why they want to step on those stages? The legacy and the legends that have stepped on these stages before you, that's what you should know.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Yeah.

Fay:

I don't know why it's like that. It's weird sometimes to me. It blows my mind sometimes how the girls are.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Do you think maybe ... I don't know if Johnson City is a smaller community than Asheville. I'm not up there often. I always imagined maybe that's probably why . 00:57:00. .

Fay:

The girls ... I don't know. It's almost like they're competing every time they're competing against each other. They're trying to ... I'm like, well baby, this is how we all get in the show. This is how we all get our start. To give an example, I was there for Coco Couture's first talent show. She won and stuff like that, and I didn't know she looked up to me the way she did until she asked me to help her with the cheerleaders in UNCA as their tumbling coach.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Oh wow.

Fay:

Yeah. She would always have me flip for her or this or that. I'm like, me and Honeysuckle ... it was a battle between me and Honeysuckle. She'd win one week, I'd win the next week. She'd win the next week, I'd win the following week. She'd win, then I'd win. She'd win, I'd win. Then it was Lose My Breath by Destiny's Child that we came together because that's the song that we went back and forth on. She was more the Beyonce with the fir and the little sassy walk 00:58:00and everything, and I was the Beyonce with the Adidas track suit, always popping and locking and dropping it and all this stuff. So we kind of mirrored each other.

Fay:

That final show, I was like, that's my song. She was like, no that's my song. I was like, well girl, I'm going to do the song. So she did the song and I was like, you know what, watch this. I came out on the second verse. I came out on stage with her. The kids lost it. She was doing the sassy Beyonce choreography and I was doing the crumping and the booty popping part. It was like we were mirror images like the video. I had even got the powder out of my pocket when Beyonce blows, lose my breath, and blows a puff of smoke. I had did that and that's when she took off down the runway and I was right behind her.

Fay:

She was that sassy walk, and we got on the runway. We were doing the video. It 00:59:00was epic. We got backstage and we just screamed and hugged each other. They kept bringing handfuls and handfuls of money backstage that had been left out there. We were like, girl. That was the end of our feud. That was our bonding moment. I was like, now I have to do something like that. Get into it. We were all in the show. Everybody loves for me to be in the dressing room because I don't care what you're going through. Leave it at the door. Leave it at the door right now. As long as you're here, let all that go and let's just live.

Fay:

Who was it in Asheville. It might have been Trinity or somebody. They were like, "Faye, you don't care about the money out there do you. You care about the crowd." Because they're like, "Faye, you got money up here. Faye, got money up here." I'm like, "Y'all get it for me." I'm like, yeah, I care about the crowd because you never know what somebody's going through in the crowd. But for just 01:00:00those few minutes that I'm on stage and everybody's jumping and screaming and clapping and having a good time, for that moment they're free of everything that they've been carrying on their back. They have let it go and they're just in the moment living, and it's because of me.

Fay:

That's why I live for the crowd. That's why I'm like, honey, get off your ass. Honey, let's have a party. Stop crying. Pick that up later. Right now, let your hair down baby and live.

Govinda - Interviewer:

That's beautiful. I love that so much. Now, outside of drag, were there any moments in history or big movements that you remember experiencing with the community here in Asheville? We talk about Stonewall a lot. Were there any historical moments that came up for you while you were living in Johnson City or Asheville?

Fay:

There were different moments that affected me and stuff like that. I can't really say that anything major, besides fight for equality and stuff like that. Gay marriages and stuff like that, that was a big thing. One of the things that really had messed with me was Matthew Shepard. That really effected me because I was like, how. Just how? How could you do that to another human being, gay or 01:02:00not? What was he thinking? When he was tied to this fence, what was going through his mind? How scared, how alone, how angry?

Fay:

I just couldn't imagine. From them on, I was like, I refuse. I refuse. I got banned from Perkins for life. I got banned from this place, I got banned from that place, because I tore their establishment up. The kids, during the whole thing when the gay bashing was really big and everybody was getting hurt and stuff like that, and even in this parking lot, the heterosexual community, they would be out in the parking lot waiting for us to come out. It was brawls every 01:03:00weekend. People were getting drug by cars. People were getting beat up and everything like that. The kids could not walk down the steps outside of New Beginnings until I came out.

Fay:

They would stand all crowded up there in the breezeway. When I came, they were parked, and I would reach in my purse and I'd grab my pistol. When I hit the top of the steps, I would fire into the air. All the straight guys and everything, they'd take off running. What you running for, baby? This is exactly what you came for, right? This is what you wanted, right? This is what you thought you wanted to mess with. Baby, I'm going to light you up like a Christmas tree. Before I let y'all hurt anybody that's coming out of this club, you got to go through me. That's what I meant.

Fay:

I would lay my life down. Y'all got to fight me. If I got to fight an army to protect these kids right here, then baby let's dance, because I'm not no easy 01:04:00win. Y'all thought y'all were going to get out of here and y'all was going to beat these kids up. Y'all got pipes and bats and all this in your hand, and y'all going to run because I'm swinging bullets at your ass. No, this is what you came for. I said, I can dance to any number you want to put on, baby. Let's go.

Fay:

Then at Perkins, Saturday nights, Nashville Sounds and the straight clubs would be out there. The kids crowd around in the lobby until I got there. Then they would escort all the kids back into the little classroom in Perkins. I would stand up there on guard while they ate their food and stuff like that. This one particular night, this big burly guy with this big cowboy hat, he wanted to talk mess. "Baby, you got a slick mouth, but I got a razor blade tongue." So he would talk and I would talk right back to him. He would say something and I'd clap back to him.

Fay:

Then when I started, I see him take his cowboy hat off and I see him look at 01:05:00another one, and I see him take his hat off. I see a couple of other. I told Todd O'Hara, I said y'all go ahead and get to go boxes. Todd was like, "Faytriana." I said, "I got this. Just get them out of here." Todd got the kids. They got all the kids to go boxes and everybody was walking past, "Faye, I love you. I love you." I said, "Y'all get to safety. Y'all go ahead and go. I'll call you when I make it out." So I had took off my heels and I had backed into that room. I bumped into somebody, my friend Jeremy.

Fay:

I said, "Jeremy, go ahead and go." He says, "Baby, if you go, I go." I said, "Okay." I said, "Let's dance." I said, "There's one way in here." I said, "As long as they don't get behind us, we got them." So here they come and we tore Perkins up. When I tell you we let them have it, of course we were beat and bruised and bleeding too. We were the last two standing. When I tell you I told 01:06:00Perkins up and I was so mad because they wouldn't call for help. Perkins would not call the police.

Fay:

We were two gay kids backed into this room and the whole club at Nashville Sound, they were coming through. They were coming in that room. They were trying to do harm to us and, baby, we got the best of them. I reached behind the register and I opened that thing, and I took a pie. I said, "and I'm taking this damn pie," and I walked out. They said, "Honey, you're banned for life." The officers met me when I was walking out the door. I said, "Well, baby, y'all can do what y'all got to do." They were like ... They looked in there and they came back. They said, "Who else was fighting with y'all?" I said, "Nobody else."

Fay:

The officer was like, "You are kidding me." I said, "Sir, Matthew Shepard could have fought. Do you think he would still be alive?" I said, "I refuse to be 01:07:00yours or anybody else's statistic." I said, "I refuse to be beat down by ignorance and by hate and by all ... if I have to give my life, you've got a fight on your hands. Do you understand?" That's exactly how it felt. I fought for my life. Any animal that is trapped is going to get ruthless. It's going to fight for ... go for the jugular, fight for their life to get out of there. That's exactly what we were doing.

Fay:

With every blow, with every hit that I took and every one that I landed, just the anger of everybody from the Stonewall era up that had to go through someone, that got thrown in jail, who had lost their life. The kids that got burnt up, just everything. All the anger would come out of me. It was like there was no stopping me. After we were exhausted and stuff like that and I bandaged myself up, and we were soaking and healing and stuff like that, everybody was like, 01:08:00"Wow Faye." There's no wow.

Fay:

I felt like you're my kids and I'm going to do what any mother would do and fight for them. I've been to jail for the community. I have been through it, baby. I've been through it.

Govinda - Interviewer:

I'm glad you're here with us still.

Fay:

I'm going to be here forever, hun.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Okay.

Fay:

Even after I'm gone, hun, I'm still going to be here.

Govinda - Interviewer:

I hear that. That's amazing. Well, my dear, we have chatted for about an hour now. It's a really incredible experience and I really thank you for your time here. Is there anything else that's jumping out at you that you're like, I have got to say this, this has got to be on the record? We can always do more interviews, but if there's something today that you're thinking of.

Fay:

I just want everybody to just embrace their community. We hae enough against us already. Don't be against each other. Yes, you're going to go through ... Life is too short. You don't get no do overs, no take backs, no rewinds, no nothing. Live and let go. Any grudges, any hate that you feel for someone, think about it and why do you feel that way. Once you think about it, it's probably stupid. Let everything go and love. Just love, because I love each and every one of y'all.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Thank you so much.

Fay:

Y'all can do another interview. Y'all can do more interviews on me, honey.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Yeah, I'm sure I'll give you a call. We can talk more about your experience and all the national pageants. We've got to talk about your drag kids next time too. I know you've got legendary children now.

Fay:

Absolutely, we've got to talk about them.

Govinda - Interviewer:

All right, my love. Well, thank you so much for tonight and I hope you have a 01:10:00great rest of your evening, legendary Ms. Faye Evans.

Fay:

The Ms. The legend.

Govinda - Interviewer:

The legend.

Fay:

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. This has been really amazing.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Thank you so much. I'll be sure to send you that link to follow up with you and get the permissions and things signed.

Fay:

Permission slip, okay.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Yeah. They will send you a copy of the transcript before everything is finalized so you can read through it too and maybe be like, maybe I don't want to talk about this Perkins incident.

Fay:

Oh no, I want to put that out there, because everybody asks me why I got banned. That's why I got banned, baby.

Govinda - Interviewer:

But anything that you want to edit and take off of the interview, you can go ahead and let us know and we'll get it taken care of for you.

Fay:

Thank you so much.

Govinda - Interviewer:

Thank you so much. You have a lovely evening. Muah.

Fay:

Muah. Bye, bye now. Bye.