Oral History with Beulahland

Wray:

All right we're recording.

Beaulah Land:

Okay, cool.

Wray:

If you'll start by just saying today's date is February the 8th, I am Amanda Wray, I'm here talking to Beaulah Land and if you want to name yourself and tell us your date of birth and your pronoun and any of that just basic stuff is how we'll start.

Beaulah Land:

All right well my name is Beaulah Land on stage, off stage I go by Bergan Mackie, that is my legal name. My mother gave me that name after my great great great grandfather Logan Bergan Mackie. I was born on October 10th, 1997, I'm 22 years old, I'm a baby. But what else?

Wray:

You were going to say your grandmother, something about you got this name from your mother Bergan something?

Beaulah Land:

My mom and dad named me after two of my third great grandparents, Logan Bergan Mackie so that's where I got my first name, and then Oscar Lee Stiles is where I got my middle name Lee.

Wray:

It's nice to know your history like that.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah, it was either that or Zebulan, you can tell I'm from the French bred River Valley because my name was almost Zebulan.

Wray:

That's pretty amazing. So, where were you born?

Beaulah Land:

I was born right here in Asheville, it was either at Mission or St. Joe's, I think it was St. Joe's, isn't that where they do labor and delivery?

Wray:

I have no idea.

Beaulah Land:

It was somewhere on the Mission campus and I grew up in Marzel North Carolina which is about 20 minutes north of here, I grew up six minutes from the Tennessee border, so there's a lot of Tennessee background in my family history, my older brother and older sister live there currently along with my sister's husband. My parents just bought some family-

Wray:

So you're the baby literally.

Beaulah Land:

I am yes I am the baby. I am the youngest of three, I have an oldest brother and then an older sister, yeah. And then my parent's they just bought land in 00:02:00Tennessee but they're still working in North Carolina. Because we just sold our farm, yeah kind of sad.

Wray:

Was it a real farm, a big farm with animals and things?

Beaulah Land:

It was, it was 52 acres on the side of a mountain, yeah well the thing is it's mostly forest because when you're up on the mountain there's not a whole lot of farmable land. We had a greenhouse, we had rabbits, chickens, goats, ducks, sheep, cows, we had a garden every year somewhere on the property.

Wray:

Who took care of that?

Beaulah Land:

We all did. Mom was the conventional southern housewife, she is a teacher, but she would take care of everything inside the house, and we would all, the kids and dad, would go out take care of the animals, make sure that they were situated, and then we'd all come back in and help mom with the chores.

Wray:

Do you like to play in the dirt?

Beaulah Land:

When I was very little I hated it. I wanted to have nothing to do with farming, with southern lifestyle. If you listen to the way I talk it's a very flat accent, when I'm with my family it's very southern, very mountainous.

Wray:

Do you get worse when you drink?

Beaulah Land:

Yes!

Wray:

People say that about me.

Beaulah Land:

Yes, it really comes out when I get a little fuzzy. It's really interesting I was in a communications class and we were talking about accents and how they spring up and disappear and they come our with certain people and I got to thinking and I was like wow when I was little I had a really, really thick accent because my family all has really thick accents. And as I grew older I realized I guess sort of subliminally that it was quote unquote bad thing to be 00:04:00considered southern or mountainous.

Wray:

Certainly judged right?

Beaulah Land:

Absolutely, absolutely. Hi.

Wray:

Thank you.

Beaulah Land:

Thank you.

Wray:

So do you think you'll stay in this area now that you've been here this long?

Beaulah Land:

Ever since I was little I always wanted to move off to a big city, New York, Philadelphia, Los Angeles. As I've grown older and sort of moved out from under my parents I've grown this immense appreciation for the mountain culture, western North Carolina, the south even. And not to say that our history hasn't been problematic or in other ways just outright wrong. But there's definitely still beauty within a lot of mountain culture and so I really would love to stay 00:05:00around here. My major at Western Carolina University is environmental health sciences and I am really hoping to work in the field of public health education and outreach specifically dealing with queer health initiatives. There's a lot of issues that queer people face on the national stage but also you got to factor in the intersectionality of being rural, you're cut off from your resources.

Beaulah Land:

I remember not even knowing what a gay person, let alone a trans person was until late into my high school career. And so I just think it's really important to broaden people's horizons no matter where they're from, just because you're from Butcher Holler like Loretta Lynn, doesn't mean that you can't be exposed to the world, to art, to culture. Not to say that your culture or your art is wrong 00:06:00but we should all broaden our own horizons.

Wray:

Tell me a little bit, you said it took you awhile to even recognize and LGBTQ community existed, tell me about where did that happen in your life and what happened to facilitate that consciousness?

Beaulah Land:

How long have you been in North Carolina?

Wray:

2011 is when I moved here for my job.

Beaulah Land:

So, you may have been here when they included the definition of marriage into the North Carolina constitution?

Wray:

Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Beaulah Land:

Yeah I forget when that year was.

Wray:

It was a little before that I think.

Beaulah Land:

Was it, okay.

Wray:

I'll look it up.

Beaulah Land:

You remember, yeah you remember that happened.

Wray:

I know the conversation.

Beaulah Land:

I remember being in church and they were talking about how important it was for the church to stand up for a traditional, what was it, the traditional 00:07:00definition of marriage. And how it was a Christian value and saying that we needed to stand up to our peers and say these are our values and this is what we believe.

Wray:

And there was a fracture even in the LGBT community right?

Beaulah Land:

Absolutely.

Wray:

Over whether it was marriage or union...

Beaulah Land:

Absolutely, union, there's a very notable drag queen who at the time before 2015 when same sex marriage was passed would say that she didn't believe in gay marriage so to speak, she believe in a civil partnership, with the same benefits but not to call it marriage and that was an argument that I heard a lot growing up.

Wray:

Where were you hearing this?

Beaulah Land:

A lot of other students. I tried to surround myself with a lot of different 00:08:00opinions and a lot of different people to hear a lot of different sides. I mean it was a small high school, my graduating class was I think 120 maybe. And so we all knew each other and I had profound respect for a lot of my more conservative friends. I remember in my AP US history class we were talking about gay marriage and I think at the time it hadn't passed yet because that was the summer of 2015? Yeah, so it was right before gay marriage was passed and they were saying I think this is America you should be able to do whatever you want but at the same time marriage is defined by one man and one woman and this is a value that we hold really dear to our hearts and we don't want anybody convoluting the idea so to speak.

Beaulah Land:

And a lot of people were getting really mad on my behalf because I was the only queer student in that class. And I was like listen they have their own opinion 00:09:00and that's okay, I disagree with it but this is America and we're all entitled to our own opinions. I believe that I should be able to do whatever I want as long as it doesn't bring harm to somebody else or put somebody's needs beneath mine. And I don't, still to this day, I don't see how calling a civil union between two people a marriage, even if they're not one man and one woman, I don't see how that infringes on anyone's rights. And it was just really interesting to see the dynamic between a lot of my friends who were very supportive of me who wanted me to get mad and riled up and say this is this and you're stupid.

Wray:

Do you think it was, did it feel radical for your teacher to be bringing that stuff into the classroom?

Beaulah Land:

No because we were talking about legalizing marijuana...

Wray:

That's another thing.

Beaulah Land:

That specific teacher we talked about a lot of stuff that would be maybe more 00:10:00considered taboo but that teacher was very formative on what we valued and what we saw and so I really appreciate those kinds of teachers bringing up those subjects that are... it's not something that we're used to seeing and I really appreciated that.

Wray:

Was she on her own with that or were you getting LGBT history and activism in other classrooms?

Beaulah Land:

Not so much, he was-

Wray:

So it was a male?

Beaulah Land:

Yes it was a male teacher and I don't want to out anyone.

Wray:

Of course not, not at all.

Beaulah Land:

So we'll just hold onto that name. I have a great respect for him, there were a lot of teachers that were very sympathetic but I can't think of any teacher that was even on the spectrum of queer identity. Everyone was straight to my knowledge as far as I was concerned.

Wray:

Were you getting that content in anybody else's classes?

Beaulah Land:

No.

Wray:

So just this one class it started to happen.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah, it was pretty much just one class. I think in some of my English classes they had mentioned that Oscar Wilde-

Wray:

Yeah I was going to say Shirley Read, Langston Hughes.

Beaulah Land:

Right absolutely. And there was a little bit, there was a brief mention in English and then there was a slight mention in our other US history, or our other social science classes where we're talking about, I'm pretty sure they mentioned Stonewall happened in 1969 and they were just like gay rights. Moving on. It's the 60's.

Wray:

How does that feel, I mean I know that from my own experience but I'm curious for you, how did that feel to a young person who it seems like you were at least somewhat out at school at a certain point to be represented or not in your curriculum.

Beaulah Land:

Let me sort of tell a brief story of me coming out so that you sort of get a little bit more of a holistic look at my high school career.

Wray:

This is the good stuff.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah the good stuff. So I came out, oh gosh I don't remember the year, it was in the early 2010's, I had known for a while, I had known since about 7th grade, I grew up in a southern missionary baptist community where it's very taboo, we didn't talk about it until we talked about the sanctity of marriage and all of the jazz. And so I spent a lot of time in self doubt and self deprecation and hating myself and wondering why God would do this to me, you know the whole schpiel that we always here and so-

Wray:

I grew up in a religious community too.

Beaulah Land:

So I came out to my youth pastor and then my youth pastor convinced me to come 00:13:00out to my mother and I mean looking back in retrospect, I mean it wasn't supportive in the sense of affirming for identity or for sexuality and all the jazz.

Speaker 3:

Got some food for y'all.

Beaulah Land:

Thank you.

Wray:

Thank you.

Beaulah Land:

Oh that looks so good. It wasn't necessarily affirming for sexuality or gender identity, but it wasn't absolutely offensive by any stretch of the imagination.

Wray:

You didn't get sent off to camp.

Beaulah Land:

Well that comes later.

Wray:

Oh no okay.

Beaulah Land:

So I was not sent off to camp but-

Wray:

Please help yourself to these.

Beaulah Land:

Okay, do you want any of this?

Wray:

I'm good.

Beaulah Land:

Okay.

Wray:

Thank you though.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah I wasn't sent off to camp but I was required to go see some specialists, 00:14:00some people who, not mastermind, people who specialize that's the word, in getting through to people who have quote unquote lost their way. And that was a few months after I came out, that was in I guess it was the fall of 2013 perhaps. It was somewhere right around there. I remember being asked if I wanted to go to Walmart and being in a small town where there's not a whole lot to do it's like sure I'll go to Walmart. And then the car turned on the exit that we take to go to church and I was like where are we going? And it turned out that I was meeting up wit a pastor.

Beaulah Land:

I had several meetings with different pastors, different people that wanted to talk to me, different family members even. And the one that really sticks out in my mind was I was meeting with the pastor that married my parents and I mean it was a difficult conversation because this was a man that I grew up listening to, my entire childhood was filled with him and his presence and I still have a great respect for him, I think that perhaps he's misguided in certain areas of his life but I know that he's done a lot of great work. He does medical mission trips to Brail and so coordinates with doctors and nurses to provide healthcare and also minister to them and we won't go into the nature of mission work but-

Wray:

Oh we could.

Beaulah Land:

I mean we could, yeah. I hope that it is good work that they're doing, I know that they're at least providing health services and I'm terminally delightful to quote another drag race girl, I hate seeing the negative and so I'll ignore it completely until it's staring me right at the face. But he, in the conclusion to our conversation, he said enjoy being gay while you can because you're going to get AIDS and die.

Wray:

And you're how old at this?

Beaulah Land:

Under 16.

Wray:

And so then what happens, you go home?

Beaulah Land:

I went home after that and I don't even remember really how it made me feel I 00:17:00just remember that conversation taking place and the next recollection as far as coming out I remember it was my older brother's graduation and we were renting a cabin, he was graduating from University of Tennessee Knoxville, we were renting a cabin and I was watching videos and I was trying to find videos that would help me come to peace with being gay but denying myself and I found a video of Westboro Baptist protesting at a pride and the pride goers surrounding them and start singing Born This Way by Lady Gaga. And I just remembered having this aha moment of I can't do this anymore, I can't continue to live like this, I can't keep hating myself, if God is love, than this whatever is going on here with my 00:18:00family and with my community is not loving. It doesn't make me feel loved, it doesn't make me feel affirmed, it makes me feel like a nasty piece of garbage and I don't want to continue to feel this way. I am going to love myself when I am doing things how I think they need to be done and when I feel like I fall short I'm going to critique myself and try to move forward and become a better person.

Beaulah Land:

Later on that year, I was starting to come out to a few friends at high school, my original queer family and another guy that had come out that I think he came out a few years beforehand, a long time before me. We started talking and he was 00:19:00like hey don't come out just wait a little bit, wait until you get into college and then it will be so much better, it'll get so much better. And I was like I mean I'm already kind of out, everyone kind of knows. And from there our friendship grew and we started seeing each other and texting all the time, and we started going out, I mean going out in high school.

Wray:

To the movies.

Beaulah Land:

No not even that, you sent together in lunch and you make out before eight o'clock. But yeah so I remember the moment that I came out was the first day back from winter break, it was eight o'clock and we had to go to class and the bell was ringing and he squints and looks at me really closely and was like you have an eyelash, let me get it, close your eyes, and then he leaned in and 00:20:00kissed me. It was really precious. And so after that, and I was ecstatic, I was gobsmacked, I was beside myself I had never been kissed.

Wray:

And this is at school?

Beaulah Land:

This is at school. This was in the library right as school was starting and I wasn't even saying anything I was just like...

Wray:

Totally the appropriate reaction.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah absolutely, first time being kissed and he was like was that your first time being kissed? I was like uh huh, he was like well here's your second time and then went in for another. And it was really precious.

Wray:

Do you still see that person or know that person?

Beaulah Land:

I don't see him regularly, we had a little bit of a falling out, I mean it was high school. But we actually gosh two years ago we started talking on grinder just as friends, just checking in and seeing how each of us were doing. After 00:21:00we'd broken up he ended up dating my best friend who was a girl after reassuring me that he was completely gay, and so that threw me for a loop, trying to make sense of all that. But that's sort of besides the point. But now everything's fine and I'm still friends with my best friend at the time.

Wray:

Well, tell me about who was your queer family in school, you said it plural as though you have one now perhaps that's different than what you had in school.

Beaulah Land:

A lot of band kids, a lot of theater kids, everyone in the arts was very affirming. All of my teachers in the arts were affirming. Once I had taken the step to come out, it was like the entire world started reaching out to me. And so once people saw me in this community they were like they need to see this 00:22:00resource and they need to see this video, and they need to listen to this person and meet this other people and so I started really getting involved in theater and doing a lot of dramatic works and it was so much fun. I love my theater family, my two best friends in high school, we ended up going to the same college together, they're no longer with me, they're still with us, they're no longer at Western. But they're still two of my really close friends today.

Beaulah Land:

And then I had a lot of friends who were not on the spectrum but definitely allies and very supportive of me. I actually almost lost one of my childhood friends when I came out because he couldn't come to terms with it. But eventually I convinced him I was like listen I don't want special treatment, I 00:23:00don't want you to treat me any differently, I'm still the same exact person you grew up with, I mean I went to the elementary school that your mom worked at for five, six years, I know who you are and I know your family. It's kind of ridiculous that you think that this changes anything because I've always been this way, you just know now. And he eventually came around and we'll talk occasionally, he's a really good guy, I love him.

Wray:

So when you started to talk about being I school and where you were from you said you felt like you didn't really know anybody else who was LGBT and then you talk about this community presents itself-

Beaulah Land:

Reaches out mm-hmm (affirmative)

Wray:

So is there years that happened between this one, how do you move from feeling like there's nobody to this is who I am, I'm going to be this person? And then 00:24:00the community emerged, is that kind of the way it worked?

Beaulah Land:

It's really sort of like everything happens at the same time but very gradually over time and so you become a little bit more comfortable with yourself and for me it was accepting the fact that I have very feminine mannerisms, and come to peace with that. And so when I was confident enough to just be who I was more people started reaching out and not saying in so many words but effectively saying I don't care that you are feminine but you were born male or you were assigned male at birth, I think you are funny and charming and intelligent and you are very passionate about what you love so why does that matter.

Wray:

How was it with your folks or your mom in particular since she was part of that 00:25:00original conversation with the pastor? Or the minister.

Beaulah Land:

It was really difficult, I want to provide a disclaimer, I love, love, love from the bottom of my heart my family, no questions asked I'd jump out in front of a car for them, no hesitation. As I've grown over the years I've just seen a lot of families... I used to think that family was such a romanticized concept and it was such a perfect holistic unit, and the older I get the more interactions I see where family isn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Not your biological family, not your chosen family, not you adoptive family, whatever have you. We're all human, we're all in relationships with one another and you 00:26:00can't expect somebody to... yes you can expect somebody to love you unconditionally but that doesn't mean that they necessarily like you all the time.

Wray:

Right, or even accept you.

Beaulah Land:

Yes, and you can love someone, I firmly believe, and not accept every single part of them. At least on some plane I find it difficult to accept that my family doesn't accept me and so it makes me hard to accept them, and so one day I hope to be able to bring someone home or to be my authentic self and have a nice family dinner because I love family, that's a very strong ideal that I have in my life, which is why I cling to my drag family so much. And community as 00:27:00well, your chosen family. I think that that's really important and so I don't fault them for being a product of their culture and their generations. It just takes time. I don't know if I answered that question well.

Wray:

You did a really beautiful job with that one.

Beaulah Land:

Thank you.

Wray:

Wow absolutely. So let's see, make sure I covered all those things. Okay, so you said you might stay here, actually I have a lot of other questions about things and I'm really interested in drag.

Beaulah Land:

Okay.

Wray:

And so I wonder if you could just start by giving me some of the language because for example in doing transgender history the words change over time right?

Beaulah Land:

Absolutely, absolutely.

Wray:

So give me some language related to drag and how those kinds of identifications shift, like female impersonators versus the other long list of options. And where are you in that?

Beaulah Land:

Exactly. So-

Wray:

I love that I got something really crunchy.

Beaulah Land:

Let's see, so first of all if you're curious about drag lingo, underground nightclub lingo, queer lingo, you have to watch the documentary Paris Is Burning.

Wray:

Oh I have.

Beaulah Land:

Have you? That will give you more than a foot in the door as far as drag lingo. That's where we base a lot of our words off of. It's such a beautiful snapshot I think of the underground ballroom scene and the nightlife that was happening at 00:29:00that time. And those words and those phrases existed before that documentary was filmed and it's really interesting to see how that movie sort of catalyzed our catch phrases today.

Wray:

Like drag being literally dragging a cloak on the ground right?

Beaulah Land:

Mm-hmm (affirmative) right. Yeah, I remember, oh gosh, I remember a lot of people say that drag means this or drag means that or this is where the word came from, but I still have not been convinced of a 100 percent this is where the word drag came from.

Wray:

As though there's a single origin right?

Beaulah Land:

Exactly. I've heard that drag comes from dressed, D-R as a girl G, so drag. I don't know I feel like that's a little bit of a stretch personally. I've heard 00:30:00of the drag-

Wray:

With your clothes.

Beaulah Land:

With your cloak yeah I've heard of that.

Wray:

Like in Shakespearian times.

Beaulah Land:

Yes, has that been researched because I still have...

Wray:

I mean I read in article in preparation for this interview.

Beaulah Land:

Well I will read that article.

Wray:

Oh okay, I'll send it to you.

Beaulah Land:

I mean just because I'm a drag performer doesn't mean that I know everything about drag but I will do my very best to regurgitate all of the information I've learned.

Wray:

Well so tell me where are you in the spectrum in terms of how you identify and those things?

Beaulah Land:

So I identify as a transgender woman, I am on the very cusp of transitioning, I am not on the hormones yet, I am currently trying to let my hair grow out, I have a depression beard as we speak that just comes from, it's a byproduct of being very overworked and stretched for time.

Wray:

What do you mean depression beard, I've never heard that.

Beaulah Land:

I really dislike facial hair on me personally, I mean I love facial hair, but I hate it on me and this is very much just I'm too tired to-

Wray:

Of the fact that you have it.

Beaulah Land:

Yes, the fact that I have one, I always told my friends hey, if I start growing a beard make sure you check on me. So I had a meeting this morning and then today and tomorrow I'm hosting a drag brunch and then immediately following I have a Q and A panel right before a screening of Kinky Boots the musical and so I've been looking forward to this week.

Wray:

Oh, where's that?

Beaulah Land:

That's at Bardo Arts Center at WCU, I'm really excited, I've got some friends that are going to be on the panel with me and we're going to try to answer some questions and spread the gospel of drag out. But yeah, Beaulah is very much the 00:32:00southern woman I never got to be growing up.

Wray:

I was going to ask you about your name, this is great.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah, so Beaulah Land is actually, I got the name from my favorite hymn growing up, Beaulah Land.

Wray:

Mm-hmm (affirmative) Wondered.

Beaulah Land:

You're from a religious family, what background?

Wray:

I'm from rural Kentucky.

Beaulah Land:

Oh wow. What denomination?

Wray:

My mother is Methodist.

Beaulah Land:

You heard the Methodist church is splitting right?

Wray:

Yeah I guess, no I don't really know a lot of that, I'm not way up on...

Beaulah Land:

On gay marriage.

Wray:

Oh. No yeah I did read an article about that actually last year I guess.

Beaulah Land:

A couple months ago, I mean in 2019.

Wray:

And so yeah exactly. So we went to a non denominational Christian church which very much is rooted in church of Christ.

Beaulah Land:

It's just Baptist with a fancy website.

Wray:

Exactly. Well no, no fancy websites. Yeah when I was home at Christmas my dad 00:33:00gave me a lecture about homosexuality actually, in front of my son and it was a little traumatic you know because he's not sure how he, he's a freshman in high school, and he's not sure how he identity's and he's being very open about that and so he scooted down on the couch and put his arm around me, you know my dad's going on, my dad's a loving wonderful person, loves him just as you sad I love him.

Beaulah Land:

It can be difficult.

Wray:

He has a very strong opinion about it and so you just listen to him.

Beaulah Land:

Yup and that's the thing about one of the best tricks that I've learned that's sort of like a trick of mindfulness is to visualize the negative forces in your life as little slips of paper that are flying through the wind and to reach out 00:34:00and grab it, open it up and read it, close it, let it sit in your mind, and then let it go.

Wray:

Let it go.

Beaulah Land:

And that has been something that I really have a hard time with but that little trick of just visualizing that and letting yourself feel whatever you're feeling and then let it go has been really helpful for me.

Wray:

Yeah, so Beaulah is the souther lady...

Beaulah Land:

Yes, yes.

Wray:

Tell me about Beaulah.

Beaulah Land:

So Beaulah is the southern lady that I never got to be.

Wray:

I looked at your social media.

Beaulah Land:

I'm flattered. I hope you were engaged.

Wray:

It was awesome. You're beautiful.

Beaulah Land:

Thank you so much. It's a lot of hard work.

Wray:

That's totally on the list too I want to get to that.

Beaulah Land:

Okay, okay. Yeah we'll get into it. So Beaulah Land, Beaulah is an old Puritan 00:35:00name that has its basis in scripture, I forget which verse it is I want to say it's Psalm but don't quote me on that. Beaulah, the scripture roughly reads as referring to the second coming of Christ as the land shall no longer be called Hepzibah which is old Jewish word for barren or unfruitful but shall be called Beaulah and so it's sort of talking about how the earth will be married to Christ or the church will be married to Christ and shall bring forth fruit so to speak. And that verse inspired a hymn which is called Beaulah Land and it's 00:36:00beautiful hymn and it was one of my favorites growing up, I remember hearing it when I was little.

Wray:

Do you sing?

Beaulah Land:

I do.

Wray:

Do you want to sing something?

Beaulah Land:

I don't, we can try, I'm really sniffly right now. Beaulah Land I am longing for you, and someday on me I'll stand, where my home shall be eternal, Beaulah Land sweet Beaulah Land. I think it's such a beautiful song.

Wray:

It is a beautiful song. And you did a lovely job.

Beaulah Land:

Thank you, I'm really sniffly so...

Wray:

Do you sing as a part of your act?

Beaulah Land:

Sometimes. We typically try to stay away from singing just because it's not quite as engaging as funny sound effects and references to other things. And 00:37:00that's very much just sort of a reflection off of American drag culture, it's mostly rooted in lip syncs but there's been a few times where I've sung. Actually one of my favorite numbers to do is to sing Silent Night dressed up in Santa Lucia dress. Are you familiar with the Santa Lucia festival? It's a Swedish festival and my drag mom's Swedish so that's where I got the idea from. But it's the girths that wear the wreaths with the candles that are lit and it takes place right before winter solstice and it's all about the coming of light and the returning of Christ and to me it symbolizes how it can often times feel like we're in the longest nights and the sun will never come back up but you can always count on the night ending and the sun rising and becoming one with the 00:38:00light again. And so it holds a lot of significance to me. The first time I performed it I dedicated it to, I might get a little emotional at this, I dedicated it to one of my really good friends who is no longer with us. The pastors son where I was attending church committed suicide I think about two years, I think we're approaching three years. And that really hurt me.

Wray:

And he was young?

Beaulah Land:

He was 16 or 17. And he was still in the closet and it just reminded me of how hopeless sometimes it feels and how we all have an individual [inaudible] and 00:39:00you can't know what's going through another persons mind and I hate to see myself as more important than I am but to me I felt like he was kind of a little brother in the community and so I always wanted to encourage him and to make sure that he was okay. And I just sort of stopped doing that when I stopped going to church or stopped going to our home church and it just awakened these feelings of I should have been there, I should have comforted him, I should have been there to talk to him. If I had been there, if I had done this, if I had done that this wouldn't have happened and he'd still be here with us and so that's a very dangerous place to be and so I dedicated that number to him. It was honestly mostly for me so that I could find peace within myself and to share 00:40:00his story and so that other people would feel less alone because loneliness and solitude are some of the biggest themes within our community.

Wray:

Absolutely, I think that's very true.

Beaulah Land:

I feel like I'm going on so many different tangents.

Wray:

This is exactly right, this is the way it should feel. So do you still have a religious identity?

Beaulah Land:

I do. I still identify as Christian, if you want to get real technical I identify as a granny witch.

Wray:

Oh nice.

Beaulah Land:

Are you familiar with the concept?

Wray:

Yeah actually but please explain it. I live across the street from someone who does that.

Beaulah Land:

Oh, oh I really would love to meet that.

Wray:

I live in the queerest neighborhood.

Beaulah Land:

Oh I love it.

Wray:

Which is saying a lot I think.

Beaulah Land:

I have very limited experience and I would love to be more involved in it but 00:41:00from what I have read and what I've researched, in the 19th century in western North Carolina in the southern Appalachians you had a lot of immigrants from Europe and wester Europe who had these Celtic pagan Norse practices.

Wray:

I'm going to [inaudible] sorry. I'm just hyper paranoid.

Beaulah Land:

Right, right, I know I totally understand. You have these old ancient practices of paganism, rituals, potions, rights, different stuff like that. And when they came to America would incorporate it into their Christian practices and so my relationship with God has been really helpful for me and it was really difficult at first for me to distinguish between the hate that was coming from the certain 00:42:00members of the community and God and finally I realized I do have a loving relationship with God it's just I think these people might be mistaken or misunderstood or they're trying something that isn't working and they don't understand that it's not working. And they're trying to be loving and affirming but it's not a place of stupidity and I don't like when people say that other people are stupid it's just ignorance and you know what I'm ignorant about a lot of things and I'll be the first to admit to that. I don't like to admit to that but.

Wray:

No but I totally agree with you.

Beaulah Land:

And ignorance and stupidity are two completely separate things, ignorance is just not knowing something, it's just the absence of knowledge in that particular area versus stupidity means the incapacity to learn something or to 00:43:00absorb something.

Wray:

Yeah or unwillingness.

Beaulah Land:

Exactly.

Wray:

Or willfulness if that's not something.

Beaulah Land:

I forgot where we were.

Wray:

I asked about your religious identity.

Beaulah Land:

Yes, so-

Wray:

So when you stopped going to your church in high school did you go somewhere else to church?

Beaulah Land:

I stopped going in college. Timothy, oops.

Wray:

That's okay I can blur that out.

Beaulah Land:

Thanks. My friend who passed away, passed away I think it was my sophomore year of college and that was sort of the moment where I just had the final straw and I just didn't want to have anything to do with that place anymore. I didn't feel like it was affirming, I didn't feel like it was the place that I needed to be. 00:44:00And so I found a few ministries on campus and I've been to a few different churches and it's been very helpful for me and so that's been something that's been central to my drag character is the fact that we're pushed so hard out of religious spaces that there's this whole world of religious affiliation, Christian or not, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Wicca, there's so many different avenues that people feel discouraged from because they had negative experiences as children and as young people or even as adults sometimes. And I think that's something that's so tragic because my relationship with God has really helped me find solace and solidarity and understanding and compassion. 00:45:00I've met so many people in drag that are like Jesus was cool, he was a dirty hippie, and I'm like yeah that's why I follow his teachings or try to oat least.

Wray:

But there can be real backlash too.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah absolutely.

Wray:

[inaudible] I feel like in the queer community there can be a dismissal.

Beaulah Land:

Absolutely. I hate saying this because I don't want to sound like I'm complaining against people who have real trauma with the church but there have been real moments where I don't really feel welcome giving my full opinion on something or I don't feel valued or accepted because I cling to this religious identity and I understand where they're coming from and I want to be understanding. Sometimes it can be frustrating because I would like to share my 00:46:00experiences and I hope that I don't come across as a zealot, I mean I'm definitely passionate but I try to make sure that whatever I want to say is relevant but there are moments where I feel at odds with the community. I have a dear friend who I'm still in contact with, we're going to go shopping sometimes soon and one of their protests for some people who came on campus, it was a counter protest, was to dress up in drag as a nun and to rip out pages of the bible and eat them.

Beaulah Land:

It was such a mind flip because on one hand I think it's hilarious and it's sort of showing the protestors we're not going to put up with this, this is a joke. But then it's also this is a several thousand year old manuscript that I've 00:47:00placed a lot of value in that is being treated as tissue paper. And so it put me at a very odd place and he gave me a ripped out page of the bible and I just couldn't deal with it and I was like listen I respect your art, and I respect your choices, and I don't ever want to tell you what to do, I just would prefer not to be involved. I will cheer you on and I will support you and I will offer my feedback if you like but I don't really want to be involved in that.

Beaulah Land:

And I remember my home bar is the auditorium and one of my absolute best friends was going to incorporate crucifixion into her act because it was the anniversary of the drag show being founded but also it was an Easter show, because it was right around Easter and she wanted to pretend to be crucified, and she's like 00:48:00can you be a Roman soldier since you're not booked that night and I was like I love you and I'll cheer you on and I love your art and I'm here for you, I would not be comfortable participating so to say and she was very respectful and understand that, I don't know if she quite understood but she at least was willing to be like okay I hear what you're saying and that's okay.

Wray:

That's awesome. So you said your home bar is the auditorium?

Beaulah Land:

Yes my home bar is the auditorium.

Wray:

Is that where you perform the most or is that where you go the most or what does that mean?

Beaulah Land:

I wouldn't say that it's necessarily where I perform the most anymore, that was the drag show where I first started going out in drag, I first started performing.

Wray:

Was the first place you went?

Beaulah Land:

Well not the very first.

Wray:

Okay where was the very first.

Beaulah Land:

It was the first bar. The absolute first time I ever performed in drag was at 00:49:00Western Carolina Universities annual drag show. This was back in 2017 yes.

Wray:

Had you been a patron before that at a drag show?

Beaulah Land:

No, the only experience I had with any aspect of drag was Rue Paul's drag race and I know that that's going to reflect on my age and I'm sorry, I'm 22 and I can't help it. But I just remember watching I think it was all stars season two and I just fell in love with the personas and the larger than life characters and the fashion, and the comedy. I just thought it was the best thing ever and so I was like I want to do that, I want to dip my toes in that

Wray:

Had you dressed female before that?

Beaulah Land:

No, never. Well when I was really little, really little, this was sort of a warning sign that I was a woman all along, but I would take my brother's 00:50:00oversized T-shirts and I would shimmie them down as a skirt, and then I would take another one and make it like a dress and then I would take a third one, put it around my head and it would be long hair.

Speaker 3:

Do we need anything else right now?

Wray:

Do you need anything else?

Beaulah Land:

I'm good, thank you. But that would be my long hair and I would dance around with long hair.

Wray:

So did people see you in your family like that or was that very private in your room?

Beaulah Land:

It was very private, not even my brother or sister I think knew about it. I'm not sure. There used to be a picture of me in a pink dress when I was a little kid.

Wray:

Oh you should find it, we would love to have it.

Beaulah Land:

So my house burned down in 2006.

Wray:

Oh no I'm so sorry.

Beaulah Land:

I mean it's a part of life and I've learned to accept it and move on, but there were a lot of important lessons I learned about that.

Wray:

That is so tragic.

Beaulah Land:

It was interesting because I remember seeing that photo until I came out and as soon as I came out that photo never resurfaced. And so I don't know what 00:51:00specifically happened with it because I know it existed after the house fire, but that is where one of the copies of the pictures was, I do remember that, one of the copies of the photos did burn in the fire, but I do remember seeing it after the fact.

Wray:

What was the story around that photo?

Beaulah Land:

I don't even remember I was too little.

Wray:

Did anybody ever talk about it or anything?

Beaulah Land:

No. I remember-

Wray:

What did you think about it?

Beaulah Land:

When I was little I remember I loved Barbie dolls and I loved being-

Wray:

Because you had a sister right that had those things?

Beaulah Land:

Yes I had a big sister and I played with her Barbie dolls all the time when she wasn't looking and I hated being dirty, I hated farm work. Now I will say I have a deep appreciation for my agrarian upbringing and it instilled a lot of really positive values like hard work ethic.

Wray:

Rootedness.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah, down to earth, not materialistic, or at least these are the lessons not necessarily what I live by.

Wray:

Thanks for the clarification.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah, I don't remember the story behind that I just remember I was standing on the steps of our old porch, wow I haven't thought about the house in forever, I was standing on the steps of the porch and then somebody, it was either my grandmother or my mom was behind me and then I was squinting in the sunlight and it was a long pink dress. And I don't remember anybody taking that photo at all.

Wray:

Interesting. So the first time then you dressed in drag in public...

Beaulah Land:

The first time I intentionally dressed in drag was October, oh dearie it was right around my birthday, I want to say it was October 9th, 2017 because that's the day before my birthday. I dressed in long black and white striped stockings, 00:53:00a black tutu, and some ridiculous black shirt and I had the ugliest makeup and I'm so thankful for my friends that helped me with my makeup but we know that it was bad. Do you want to see a photo?

Wray:

Yeah and I want to talk about makeup, who taught you how to do makeup?

Beaulah Land:

YouTube mostly. I learned a lot of a makeup from my drag mom and sister.

Wray:

Which came into your life how and where?

Beaulah Land:

Oh! So Ida Caroline is my drag mom and-

Wray:

Govinda gave me her name too.

Beaulah Land:

Yes, she would be a wonderful person to interview, she is not as religious as I am by any means. But we have a very similar style of old Broadway kind of feel. But we were in the same show together, I was a street performer, she was a 00:54:00professional, and she read me for filth, she just looked me up and down and was like oh okay.

Wray:

What does that mean read you for filth?

Beaulah Land:

Read you for filth, okay so there's some drag lingo for you. Reading someone is like finding a flaw and sort of teasing somebody about it or making fun of somebody about it, and reading somebody for filth is just an exacerbation of reading someone so if you read me for filth you just absolutely trash me and make the other person feel-

Wray:

Like being too tall or too short or too something? Oh wow.

Beaulah Land:

That was, I think the dates on there, October 12th 2017.

Wray:

Wow well you should send us any pictures you want that you'd be willing for us to have.

Beaulah Land:

Absolutely, oh gosh not this one.

Wray:

So, in some of the other interviews, for example I interviewed Rosie Coats, do 00:55:00you know her?

Beaulah Land:

I am not familiar with that.

Wray:

O'Henry's, she's been the bartender at O'Henry's for like 30 years.

Beaulah Land:

Mm-hmm (affirmative) absolutely.

Wray:

And so she only works a few days now. But she talks about in the late 70's and early 80's Holly Boswell, is that a name that you've heard of?

Beaulah Land:

That is not a name I've heard of.

Wray:

Holly Boswell was a real trans gender pioneer, not just in Asheville but for the country, she literally was the first person to publish academic scholarship using the language transgender and to talk about gender as a spectrum, gender fluidity. And so Rosie tells a story about how Holly who was transitioning at that time in the late 70's as the bar was starting to come open and stuff that she started doing makeup classes because Rosie says everybody would come in and 00:56:00they just looked like their mother. They used the same product maybe that their mom used or they used a picture of their mom as their pallet and that kind of stuff and so that's why it's so curious to me, where'd you learn how to do makeup and what's that been like?

Beaulah Land:

It's been a long journey.

Wray:

As someone who doesn't really wear makeup.

Beaulah Land:

Well that's the thing, regular makeup, just day to day makeup is so much different from drag makeup.

Wray:

Of course.

Beaulah Land:

Because in drag you're painting for the back of the room, you have to make sure everyone can see your eyeliner, your contour, your eye shadow, your eyebrow, you have to make sure that everyone can see every single detail.

Wray:

Where do you buy products and things like different kind of makeup?

Beaulah Land:

So it's kind of a mix, some of my stuff is stage makeup, very pigmented colors, my foundation is a very full coverage, I get the from Venus beauty supply, if 00:57:00you have any drag needs go to Venus beauty supply.

Wray:

Is that a local place?

Beaulah Land:

It is. It's on smoky park highway next to Taco Bell.

Wray:

Oh interesting.

Beaulah Land:

They have two drag queens that work there.

Wray:

Oh that's helpful.

Beaulah Land:

Yes, very helpful.

Wray:

Do you think that they do an outreach from that place, do they help people?

Beaulah Land:

In their own way, in their very own way yeah. Venus beauty supply is a really nice place, I love going in there. They have all the way around the store is covered in wigs. They have stage makeup, they have jewelry.

Wray:

Yeah you said you were letting your hair grow out so literally you do wigs I guess.

Beaulah Land:

I'm trying to. Yeah, oh yeah I never go out with regular hair. Mine is not long enough to be... I'm a sucker for 1940's beauty standards, so a red lip, quaffed hair, the whole nine yards, that's my niche.

Wray:

So you're act kind of stayed pretty much in terms of your persona has been pretty standard?

Beaulah Land:

Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Wray:

It felt right from the beginning?

Beaulah Land:

I remember growing up I watched a lot of old movies, a lot of Julie Andrews, Audrey Hepburn, some Greta Garbo, just some really classic Hollywood beauty standards and I didn't realize it at the time but that's what I wanted to look like and so that's who I try to emulate is that, that's why I cinch my waist so tight.

Wray:

I know I was just looking, it's insane I was just like did you have a corset on?

Beaulah Land:

I do, I do have a corset, it's a steel bowed corset.

Wray:

Terribly uncomfortable.

Beaulah Land:

It's actually not that bad. It's very difficult when you're dancing around and you have to breathe a lot but when I'm sitting around I think it's very 00:59:00comfortable, personally. And that's very much a personal choice, I kind of get a kick out of it.

Wray:

Is that pretty standard?

Beaulah Land:

What's that?

Wray:

Corseting?

Beaulah Land:

Corseting yes, tight lacing not so much. I mean I don't want to say I corset tighter than other drag queens but every drag queen that I've seen that watched me corset, they're always like damn, what are you doing, that's ridiculous. Because I mean I am not a thin person, my personality, there is nothing thin about me, except maybe my air headed ness. But yeah I just love the... I'm in love with the 1940's style, the perfectly quaffed hair in a fishnet with a bold 01:00:00red lip and minimal makeup but just that real classic Hollywood look.

Wray:

Could that become your everyday look?

Beaulah Land:

I really hope so.

Wray:

What's your new everyday look going to be like as you transition?

Beaulah Land:

I don't know. I'm hoping to grow out my hair into, so there's a burlesque dancer that I'm really close friends with, she is a regular performer at Party Foul, her name is Elizabeth Evans or her stage name is [crosstalk]

Wray:

Where's Party Foul? I've never heard of it.

Beaulah Land:

That's at the auditorium.

Wray:

Okay.

Beaulah Land:

So Party Foul is the drag troupe and then auditorium is the bar. And she's a burlesquer, she would be a wonderful person to contact. She has-

Wray:

Tell me their name again.

Beaulah Land:

Elizabeth Evans.

Wray:

I'll catch back with you on that.

Beaulah Land:

Will do. She has a very classic Hollywood style, she has her hair quaffed, and it's curled and she has a bold red lip, and I love her. I always-

Wray:

You have such good lips too.

Beaulah Land:

Thank you! Thank you.

Wray:

That's just my thing, to not have to worry about that.

Beaulah Land:

But I always joke with Ida, I'm like Ida you're my drag mom but EE is my biological mom. Because EE and I have a very similar style as well. She once wore this it looked like a sequined beaded 1940's flight attendant. And it was absolutely everything, it had the little fastenator hat and it was sparkly from head to toe and it had these broad shoulders, I was like this is everything I ever wanted.

Wray:

That's awesome. So how did Ida become your mom?

Beaulah Land:

Okay, so this story took about nine months, but we're going to keep it real short because the details are rather boring and kind of sad on my part. So, everyone who was at that show who knew Ida, kept bugging her to adopt me because 01:02:00my other friends were getting adopted by other queens and so I honestly-

Wray:

So you wait for somebody to come to you?

Beaulah Land:

You do, yes, I mean you can but it's typically looked down upon within the community, it's like let them pick you, let them come to you. You could ask for help, that's totally fine, and there are queens who have initiated relationships with their respective drag mothers who have totally normal relationships but I don't know maybe from my perspective, I wanted to be wanted. I didn't want to want someone, I wanted to be wanted, and so I started going to Party Foul regularly trying to dress in drag to the best of my abilities. It was a shit show and then this one queen was hosting the night and I was in drag and a patron from the back of the bar said why aren't you performing? I was like ah, 01:03:00and so the host was like well if y'all promise to tip her I'll put her in the show and I was like what? And so Ida was in the back and-

Wray:

Did you feel afraid?

Beaulah Land:

I was petrified because I had nothing prepared, I really like to be prepared, know exactly what I'm getting myself into and so I was brainstorming with my friend and I was like okay I got a song, we're going to do Don't Rain On My Parade by Barbara Streisand. The gay anthem. So I did that song and I don't know if Ida watched that but that was sort of my foot in the door and so I started going to Party Foul more regularly and then Priscilla Chambers, the creator of Party Foul and Asheville, honestly national celebrity at this point because she 01:04:00just finished her run on Dragula season three, just booked me one evening and I started performing here and there and then this was the next summer, I think it was in yeah it was in August, so it was nine months later, give or take,, maybe it was July, I don't know. It was somewhere right around the end of summer, she was like okay I didn't want to do this but do you want to be my drag kid? And I'm like yes! And so I started freaking out and she was like oh God what have I gotten myself into. I'm just kidding Ida if you're listening.

Wray:

Are you the only one?

Beaulah Land:

No, no, I am the third out of six, okay maybe the fourth out of six. Yes, so Dina Loneliness was first, she currently is in University of Alabama Huntsville. 01:05:00And then came Rift Tina, she's currently I think up in New England studying dramatic arts or musical theater and then came me, it was either me or Donatella, Donatella is Ida's biological sister and then Ida adopted her, so I don't remember the specific timeline on that. And then came Clich who is my drag sister and she is the other queen who performs here in Asheville. And then finally my brother Silver Cox is a drag king, works at UNCA, Kristina Risleras, as a guidance counselor. But he has been doing drag for a little bit but then Ida decided to adopt him just to bring families together.

Wray:

So tell me about this biological versus not.

Beaulah Land:

So, I mean biological that goes without saying, biological refers to somebody 01:06:00that you're physically related to, you have the same parents versus-

Wray:

So it is still the same language but literally you're not biologically related but it's the same kind of into that.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah, I mean I called EE my biological mother, that was more of a joke, she wasn't actually my mother but just sort of a play on the lingo that we use.

Wray:

So drag parents are there just mothers?

Beaulah Land:

There are mothers, fathers, whatever gender they want to be, they're drag parents if you're a gender fuck or a non binary performer. I have aunties, uncles, I have an auntie-uncle.

Wray:

Which is a single person?

Beaulah Land:

Yes, yes, they are a single person who doesn't identify as either gender.

Wray:

I would have been Holly Boswell, she did-

Beaulah Land:

Oh did you not. I'll have to research into her.

Wray:

I'll send you an article.

Beaulah Land:

Yes please.

Wray:

I mean it's not been published yet but it's a lot of information.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah I bet. That's awesome, I didn't even know that we had a pioneer in Asheville that's so cool.

Wray:

Absolutely so Holly Boswell started Phoenix Transgender project which was-

Beaulah Land:

I've heard of Phoenix, yes.

Wray:

Okay so that was the second transgender support group in the country and the first one came out of San Francisco.

Beaulah Land:

Wow.

Wray:

And so they met in Hot Springs and started doing-

Beaulah Land:

That's where I'm from. Well kind of.

Wray:

Pretty close yeah. But yeah they started Kindred Spirits which is in the tradition of native and indigenous histories and information about two spirit and nature. And they still meet, Kindred Spirits still meets, Holly passed away 01:08:00in 2016 with a heart problem and Kindred Spirits still meets.

Beaulah Land:

Wow, and is Holly Boswell, was she Native American?

Wray:

Nope. But was very invested and I think had a partner at one point who was and the organization very much was attempting to help people understand indigenous knowledge paradigms.

Beaulah Land:

Okay I can appreciate that.

Wray:

Not to appropriate but to share. Absolutely. So tell me what does drag mean to you? That's a big question though right?

Beaulah Land:

That is a very big question. For me personally, drag was a way for me to come to terms with my gender identity and to find my own little niche in the world. I love to incorporate deeper meanings and political commentary, I'm really 01:09:00passionate about registering people to vote and getting out the vote, we all have the right to vote but not everybody has the ability or the access to vote. And so I voter registration forms, I am a former board of elections employee and did a song, it was Dina Washington's Let's Fall In Love but I cut love and said let's register to vote. And so I had a whole song about registering to vote and I like to do stuff like that and community work that propels our community into the future.

Beaulah Land:

And so drag is very much about, for me, is about finding where I stand within the world and giving back to the community that's helped me, this upcoming 01:10:00Saturday we're actually having a benefit show for the sexuality and gender alliance which is the queer organization on campus at western. Because they're trying to put on their second annual pride festival for [inaudible] and so I'm trying to raise money and funds for them. I am really inspired by people like Marsha B. Johnson, Silvia Rivera, divine in her own weird way Nina West to a list of contemporary people, real movers and shakers within the community and I think it's really important to use whatever platform you have to propel your brother, sister, and siblings forward as well as yourself.

Wray:

So do you see drag as inherently political?

Beaulah Land:

I hesitate to say that. I would not necessarily say that drag is inherently political, I wish it was, but I've met too many queens and kings who are just in 01:11:00it to look nice or to feel their juje.

Wray:

Performative?

Beaulah Land:

Yeah. As strictly entertainment value kind of deal and there is value in that but my [inaudible] is a deeper meaning and something that yes is entertaining and yes is fun to watch or is funny or makes you feel a certain type of way, but that inspires you to do something.

Wray:

So lets talk about that spectrum of drag in terms of you have drags as entertainment, and not to say just in a diminutive way but you have drags as entertainment and then you have drag as art. And there is a lot in the middle of all of that.

Beaulah Land:

Yes absolutely, I would like to consider myself within the middle of that. Bob 01:12:00the drag queen, Peppermint are two really amazing entertainers based out of New York City, they've both been on Ru Paul's drag race. And they're drag has been very politically charged. Peppermint is a trans woman-

Wray:

In terms of message?

Beaulah Land:

Yes, in terms of the message that they've broadcast. Peppermint has been an absolute gem for the trans community and is somebody that I look up to a lot. And somebody who I would like to emulate one day. When I go on her Instagram all I see is posts of her speaking out on trans issues and she's going to this city in the US to deliver a speech on trans rights or she's going here to talk about LGBT inclusion or she's on Capital Hill talking about the crazy murder rates 01:13:00that we're seeing within the trans community especially with trans women of color. Stuff that breaks my heart and I think it's really important to find your community and to hone in on your people and to feel valid within yourself, but you also need to be making spaces for other people to come and join you. And I find myself at odds with some entertainers because I want to do more and I think because I've been blessed with a moderate amount of fame, I mean I've been recognized in Asheville before, I don't want to say I'm famous but-

Wray:

As a young person.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah I mean I'm very proud of the work that I've done. I actually had a little epiphany a couple weeks ago where I looked at Ida and I was like you know I 01:14:00finally feel like I've become the drag queen that I have set out to be. That was the night that I did the lets register to vote number. Not to say that I've reached the pinnacle of my career or that I don't have anymore growing to do, I definitely do, but I finally feel like I'm at the place where I can be proud of what I'm doing and I can stand on my own two feet with the help and input of my community but also... yeah.

Wray:

Yeah, how exciting.

Beaulah Land:

I'm sorry I don't know more about Asheville history, that's something that I'm trying to learn more about.

Wray:

No, I mean you shouldn't have to know it all. There were like five things as you were talking that I thought of, I should have written them down.

Beaulah Land:

Oh no. Well you have the recording.

Wray:

Yeah. What kind of organization have you been apart of here at all in Asheville 01:15:00or WCU, pride anything like that.

Beaulah Land:

So at WCU I got involved in the sexuality and gender alliance as soon as I got there. And I met so many amazing people from western North Carolina that are at Western, let's say that. Oh my goodness excuse me. Sorry.

Wray:

I'll take all the other jalapenos.

Beaulah Land:

I met so many amazing people at Western who are dedicated to promoting queer rights and trans identity and I've just met some amazing people. One of my best friends, Alexis Brody, she's the president of the sexuality and gender alliance. She has worked with the saga council and with-

Wray:

Saga council that's not familiar to me, what's that?

Beaulah Land:

Sexuality and gender alliance.

Wray:

Oh okay.

Beaulah Land:

It's a student group that-

Wray:

And that's at WNC?

Beaulah Land:

Yeah it's like our GSA, you're familiar with that?

Wray:

Yeah.

Beaulah Land:

So she's worked really hard with the saga council and campus activities and stuff like that, and student government to implement, there's now a question on our little roommate questionnaire when you sign up to do housing, would you prefer a roommate that was LGBT friendly and accepting and we'll match you up with other people.

Wray:

Do you know when they started asking that question?

Beaulah Land:

Yeah, this past year.

Wray:

That's awesome.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah, and that is almost exclusively in part, to my knowledge, on behalf of saga. The organization also started a movement to get our campus ID cards to use 01:17:00preferred names rather than legal names because my favorite restaurant on campus is Einstein's Bagels because no carb left behind first of all.

Wray:

I love that, I'm a big bread eater.

Beaulah Land:

Love bread.

Wray:

I bake bread actually.

Beaulah Land:

Do you really? I made my own bagels. Oh sourdough's so good. But yeah so when they take you cat card, when you swipe it, they'll look at the name and that's how they'll type it in. And so they'll call out a person's dead name and that can be really triggering to somebody. And not to over use the word triggering but you know it can put you in a bad place.

Wray:

It's a really easy thing to fix.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah. It is. [crosstalk] it's super easy to fix and it makes people feel much more comfortable because you have this person who looks like a guy who is passing as a guy and then they call out Tiffany and how is that supposed to make them, how is that supposed to make other people feel?

Wray:

Have you seen the UK Starbucks commercial?

Beaulah Land:

No.

Wray:

So they just released this commercial in the UK not here in the US but Starbucks did and it gives this whole humanistic story around somebody changing their name and so in Starbucks they ask for their name and they tell it to them and it's a trans man and they're saying what their new name is and that's the first time that they get called out, and I can't remember what it was, Scott or Chris or something.

Beaulah Land:

There's actually, this is a valuable tidbit, if you're trying to figure out what you want your name to be, I still have not figure out what my...

Wray:

What your new name is going to be?

Beaulah Land:

What my new name will be if I decide to change it. Right now I'm comfortable with Bergen but that may change one day.

Wray:

Bergen's not a super gendered name.

Beaulah Land:

No, the only other person that I know-

Wray:

Do you want something else to drink or are you feeling...

Beaulah Land:

I'm okay thank you so much.

Wray:

I'll take that in a little box because it's real crunchy and loud. But it's yummy.

Speaker 3:

[crosstalk] for the recording.

Wray:

Not at all.

Beaulah Land:

Thank you so much.

Wray:

So you don't think, I mean Bergen feels like a pretty gender neutral name because it's so-

Beaulah Land:

Kind of strange yeah. But yeah the tidbit, the little hack, if you're trying to figure out what name you want to try, go to Starbucks and give the new name to the person and have them call it out and if it feels right then you know.

Wray:

Oh well see that's even more interesting now that that is what they're marketing.

Beaulah Land:

Or at least that's something that I heard, I had a conversation with my friend and they were like yeah if you like a name that you want to use, give it to the 01:20:00person at Starbucks and see if it fits.

Wray:

Can you talk a little about race inter relations in the drag community.

Beaulah Land:

Oh gosh okay, disclaimer, I am very, very white and I don't want to be preachy or I don't want to stick my nose where it doesn't belong but at the same time this is something that I'm really passionate about. Recently we had a queen who was Latinex use the N word in her mix, her entire mix was themed around this and not to bad mouth anyone, I don't think that it was in very good taste. I think as entertainers and as pillars in the queer community I think we need to be standing up for certain issues and sort of a basic rule of thumb I found that 01:21:00works for me in my experiences is if you have been called a word then you can use it. If you have been seriously called that word as a slur, if it's a slur, if you have seriously been called that, then you can use it. And you have the license to use it. I am not going to police what somebody else does and does not say, I simply want everyone to feel comfortable, I'm a libra after all.

Wray:

I totally noted that by the way. And we are interviewing on a full moon.

Beaulah Land:

What? Is the moon in gemini now?

Wray:

It's in Leo.

Beaulah Land:

Oh, that's an exciting place to be. I love astrology.

Wray:

It's all about management right now.

Beaulah Land:

Absolutely.

Wray:

Organizing your shit.

Beaulah Land:

Absolutely. I actually was read for filth by my horoscope today, we won't get into that but I felt very attacked.

Wray:

But back to thinking about... so the queer community here in Asheville in my experience is so very white and in reading the history-

Beaulah Land:

Very white.

Wray:

-from a lot of people, they talk about two things is really shifting it being a very white queer community now. What does that have to do with the entry of cisgender people and heteronormative people coming in to LGBT spaces and how that made some people no longer go there, right?

Beaulah Land:

Right.

Wray:

What do you think about that, what is the role of cisgender, heteronormative people in your audience, how's that shifted the dynamic?

Beaulah Land:

It's really interesting-

Wray:

You probably don't know not ever having that right?

Beaulah Land:

Yeah no for me it's almost always been very hetero cis normative audiences. 01:23:00Luckily my home bar is the auditorium where you have a plethora of different identities I mean white, black, Hispanic, [inaudible] Cis, Native, two spirit, whatever different identity you have you can find somebody who probably can check off that box so I count myself very lucky for that. Scandals has a reputation of being the bachelorette party club and personally I don't have anything bad to say about bachelorette parties. They can be a little extra sometimes but at the same time can't we all. I have not had a terrible experience as of yet, and yes I am very young in my career and maybe that'll 01:24:00change someday but I've never not been in a room where its been a bunch of straight people watching me. I was actually so this past annual WCU drag show, we had Miss Cracker and I had the wonderful opportunity to go and pick her up from the airport with the lady who was sort of organizing the whole thing and I was just trying to talk a big game of me being an experienced drag queen and being the most experienced of any of these student performers and I mentioned something about yeah it's just a bunch of straight cis people whatever.

Beaulah Land:

And she's like you know historically drag queens performed for straight cis people because first of all that's the only people that could afford to buy tickets and second it's show business and I mean it was the early 20th century, who else is going to be there? And so she was talking about historically 01:25:00speaking it makes a lot more sense for straight people to be watching queer art so I thought that was a really interesting take and I haven't really thought of it before. You can learn something new everyday.

Wray:

Absolutely a hundred percent.

Beaulah Land:

I do find it unfortunate that the drag scene here is very Caucasian, I mean not to say that there's nothing inherently wrong with being white, I don't think you can say anything is wrong about skin color but I think we would benefit from diversity as far as-

Wray:

Do you think that there's just a lack of diversity here?

Beaulah Land:

I think in western North Carolina yeah. But perhaps we're not doing enough to make other people feel included.

Wray:

I just wonder if people are congregating somewhere else, gathering in some other fashion.

Beaulah Land:

I mean growing up my high school was over 95 percent Caucasian and so I just-

Wray:

I mean national's 80 percent white.

Beaulah Land:

I mean I want to be more inclusive but you can only include people who are here.

Wray:

So can we go back, you were talking about this one Latin ex performer whose using the N word and I wonder who was that appealing, who was that performer appealing to in the audience?

Beaulah Land:

I'm not sure and I think it was just a joke in bad taste because the whole number revolved around-

Wray:

Was anybody offended?

Beaulah Land:

Yes.

Wray:

Do you know other performers?

Beaulah Land:

I know one queen at the venue actually asked them to stop the music because it kept saying it over and over again.

Wray:

And so what happened, did they?

Beaulah Land:

They did cut the music and she was asked to go to the back.

Wray:

How did they handle that?

Beaulah Land:

There was a lot of drama, I mean you could sneeze and it would be dramatic in the drag world.

Wray:

How do you feel about that?

Beaulah Land:

I don't ever want to come across that I'm trying to police people of color at all, that's not what I want to do and that's not what I want to appear, however I still want to call people out for things that I notice that make other people feel uncomfortable. There was a person there that night, there were several people there that night that felt very uncomfortable by the use of the N word. And as a friend of that person I don't want to sit by and say well I'm white I can't say anything. No, we can still say stuff it's just that our opinion doesn't necessarily count as much as somebody who is personally offended and 01:28:00personally takes that to heart.

Wray:

So there's a real consequence.

Beaulah Land:

Right I mean this person wanted to come out to a show and see baby drag queens perform and have a good time, maybe have a few drinks with their friends.

Wray:

Are they called that, baby drag queens?

Beaulah Land:

Baby queens yeah that's a term that we use.

Wray:

When you're young?

Beaulah Land:

Yeah when you're young.

Wray:

What's the age threshold, where do you become...

Beaulah Land:

It really depends per entertainer, yeah. I mean I've been in it for two years and I think I'm just now getting to the point where I'm coming out of the baby phase, I think it's when you start to get a little polish. When people start to recognize you across the community, not just within your home bar but people outside recognize you. But there's no specific time stamp as far as when you're called the baby queen or not.

Wray:

So who do you appeal to in your audience when you're thinking about your performances and choreographing them or whatever, who are you thinking about performing to?

Beaulah Land:

Who specifically am I thinking about?

Wray:

who are you performing to?

Beaulah Land:

The God's honest truth I perform for myself, I mean I want people to be inspired or to have fun or to laugh or cry, or feel some type of way about my performance but at the end of the day I want to feel pretty and I want to feel like my gender identity is affirmed and I want people to laugh with me. At the very end of the day Beaulah is for me and that's been something, it's really difficult as somebody who struggles with self esteem issues and confidence issues, it's really difficult for me to take time for myself and to value my time and my 01:30:00energy. And so Beaulah has been super transformative for me.

Wray:

So that leads me to this other question which is a lot of people in it who identify with the LGBT community have the same feelings of a little bit of isolation or loneliness but also self consciousness issues or self esteem and just feeling like getting to be who you are. And so what do you do to take care of yourself, what is your self care and how's that changed over time?

Beaulah Land:

I actually had a little bit of a bump in the road as far as academic studies are concerned and social lives are concerned. My junior year, a year ago, I was going through a little bit of a rough patch, I definitely was suffering from seasonal affective disorder, I mean I think a lot of people and I just felt like 01:31:00my medications weren't working, so I cut them cold turkey. Not a good idea for whoever's listening to this recording please stay on your medications unless it's causing you to die. Please.

Wray:

Radical things.

Beaulah Land:

So I cut my anti depressants off completely and I felt the best I've ever felt for the next two days after I did that and then all of a sudden I woke up and started crying, I couldn't get out of bed, I mean it was a real high to a real, real bad low. I stopped going to classes, I couldn't pick up the phone to call anyone, my friends in class came to my house and were like are you okay you dropped off the face of the earth and so I eventually got back into the rhythm 01:32:00of going back for my medication and doing better and taking care of myself. But it was really formative for me, realizing you spent your whole life within this cis hetero normative world constructing who you think you are and then you come out of this and you're a completely different person. That's constantly changing and very fluid and constantly learning new things about themselves and other people and how you relate to the world and I just realize that everything-

Wray:

Do you even want to be...

Beaulah Land:

Exactly or who you want to be, who you want to be with. And I just realized that it just caught up with me, this crisis of identity and who I wanted to be in life and I just got caught in a slump.

Wray:

Thank you so much.

Beaulah Land:

Thank you.

Wray:

We're getting pretty close I think to being finished.

Beaulah Land:

So I stopped going to classes for the rest of the semester, took some time off to sort of convalesce from my breakdown and out of that came a lot of strategies for me to take care of myself.

Wray:

So you figured out on your own or the other people said do some of these things?

Beaulah Land:

It was very much a mixture of both. A lot of people were telling me what they did and so I sort of took their idea.

Wray:

Which is why I ask the question.

Beaulah Land:

Exactly. I took their idea and then made it my own. So when I'm feeling really sad I'll go home and put on my 1930's Italian opera records, I'll put my led lights on blue or a deep orange and I'll make a big pot of pasta, and I'll crack open a bottle of red wine and I will cry into my pasta. And it is so-

Wray:

Carbohydrates.

Beaulah Land:

It's so therapeutic and alcohol is not the way to deal with your problems by any stretch of the imagination but that allowance of those treats like red wine I think of as a treat. Pasta I think of as a treat. Italian opera I think of as a treat. Those things, when you put them together and you just allow yourself to feel whatever garbage you're feeling for a set amount of time allows you to get that out of your system and to process those emotions. I also I found that inducing crying really helps me. My moon is in Capricorn so emotionally I'm constipated as heck. So it's really difficult for me to express how I feel, 01:35:00that's actually my New Years resolution is to express what I want and how I feel.

Wray:

Well this is a good start.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah no this is great, I have been looking forward to this since you called me the first time. So that sort of catharsis that release of emotions is really beneficial for me. I was feeling some type of way, I'm a love sick kitten, I am currently in the thralls of unrequited love and I turned on really sad country music and I just bawled into my pillows and it sounds bad listening, oh you make yourself cry, I'm like yeah. It feels great. More people should cry more often.

Wray:

It's better than holding it.

Beaulah Land:

Exactly, exactly. But yeah the tips that I have are very much get your emotions out. Catharsis is a medical term for crying and it literally means release of emotion and so as somebody who considers themselves very emotionally 01:36:00constipated, it's really nice to get your emotional juices flowing and to refresh and make space for new ideas and thoughts and feelings.

Wray:

How exciting.

Beaulah Land:

I mean there are other things like making sure that I go to bed on time.

Wray:

Sleep.

Beaulah Land:

Sleep is a huge, huge thing for me. When I have multiple shows and I have to stay up really late and then I have to wake up the next morning at eight to go to work, it really takes a toll on me so I have to make sure that I stay on myself about staying up too late.

Wray:

So I have lots of additional questions so maybe we'll sit down again another day.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah absolutely that'd be great.

Wray:

But maybe I have two left.

Beaulah Land:

Okay.

Wray:

So one of the is so I invite you to come have this interview and I'm sure you've 01:37:00been thinking about it, what was something you thought you were going to talk about that you haven't talked about yet? Or something you wanted to talk about or tell?

Beaulah Land:

I can't think of anything right now.

Wray:

That's okay.

Beaulah Land:

I feel like we've covered just about my entire life story.

Wray:

How does it feel to be interviewed, thank you.

Beaulah Land:

It's really validating, I mean I strive to be humble and empathetic and play myself down. I strive for that but at the end of the day I need my ego satisfied and when somebody said I want to interview you, I was like you want to what? And so it was very, I mean I have to admit it very much, it felt very nice, it was like somebody wants to hear my two sense, somebody wants to hear my perspective 01:38:00and that was just it was very affirming especially after I had that moment with Ida where I talked about how I finally became the queen that I want to be. And so sharing my story is one of the ways that I want to-

Wray:

I'd love for you to share with us any videos you have or anything that we can put with your profile.

Beaulah Land:

Yeah.

Wray:

Anything that you want to share.

Beaulah Land:

Actually there is one thing that I have not discussed, so I actually went to high school with somebody-

Wray:

See I knew there was something.

Beaulah Land:

Yes sorry I just realized this.

Wray:

Just takes a minute.

Beaulah Land:

I mean it was from what you said. I did a, so...