Oral History with Dan Baechtold

Dan:

(silence)

Dan:

How'd you get involved with the project?

Tristan, Interviewer:

All right. Today's date is March 14, 2021. I, Tristan Cook, I'm talking with... If you could state your name and pronouns.

Dan:

Dan Beachtold, he/him.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Nice. When were you born? If you feel comfortable sharing that.

Dan:

Sure. October 1, 1969.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Nice. In what city?

Dan:

In Richmond, Kentucky.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Very cool. Sorry, this is my first interview, so I'm a bit nervous.

Dan:

Take your time. It's all good.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Cool. I guess I'll start with some basic questions. How would you describe yourself, gender, race, socioeconomic background?

Dan:

I'm a cisgender white male and come from this nuclear family that had mom, dad, brother, and middle-class upbringing. Now also still... Of socioeconomic status where I feel pretty privileged and don't have to worry too much about where my basic needs are coming from. Basically led a pretty privileged life overall, I guess.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Yeah, pretty standard modern American life?

Dan:

All those parts are pretty standard, I don't know about the rest of it.

Tristan, Interviewer:

You said you've lived in Western North Carolina for about 10 years. Is that right?

Dan:

I've been here 22, almost 23 years.

Tristan, Interviewer:

I got it. I'm sorry, my cat.

Dan:

That's fine.

Tristan, Interviewer:

What's [inaudible ] in the area?

Dan:

What? I'm sorry.

Tristan, Interviewer:

What's kept you here for that time?

Dan:

Well, I work for the city of Asheville. I'm a city planner. I do transportation planning, so that's what I've been doing the whole time I've been here. For a 00:03:00lot of the time that I lived here, I was married to a woman and have two kids who are now 22 and 19. And so it was family life, mostly, that kept me here. Also, it's a great area to live, but we lived in North Asheville and so my kids grew up here, went to school here.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Do you feel comfortable with sharing your coming out journey?

Dan:

Sure. That's probably-

Tristan, Interviewer:

. . .just jump into it.

Dan:

No, that's probably the most interesting part of my story, is coming out, 00:04:00because I've known I was gay since I was probably 11-years-old or 12-years-old, a lot because of the time and the place that I grew up, which was Richmond, Kentucky, in the 1970s and '80s. It's just coming out then didn't seem to be an option. Nobody was talking about it, and I didn't know anybody who was gay. All I knew is little bits of things that I saw on TV or in a movie or something. And even then, that wasn't much. There only gay examples out there were either really extreme stereotypes or something that seemed so far away from where I was.

Dan:

I knew that there were gay people in San Francisco, in New York City, but I 00:05:00didn't realize that there were any right around me anywhere. I think by the time that I got to college, I had just buried it in a way. It's not like I forgot that I was attracted to men, but it just didn't seem like it was part of... Like I said, it didn't seem like an option or a part of who I could be. And so started dating a woman, we fell in love and got married and had kids. Like I said, I never forgot about it and always had the attraction and never led a 00:06:00double life, never cheated on my wife.

Dan:

Fast forward 25 years, I came out when I was in my mid forties. My wife and I had actually just come from a therapy appointment with a psychologist and not about really marital issues, just we were just both having some issues and decided we had been seeing this psychologist separately and decided to see him together. In one of those sessions, he said that... One of the things he said to me, he said, "Sounds like you're closed off and need to open your book a little bit."

Dan:

We got to the parking lot after the appointment, and I realized that I was 00:07:00hurting her, I was hurting myself by not being authentic. And I just came out to her right there in the car. And so she was the first person I came out to. I think I didn't quite say at that time I'm gay. I think I said at that time that I might be bi or I'm questioning my sexuality or something. I think I knew deep down that I was gay, but that's the most I could say right then. And so then that started a whole process with us and with my family, and I came out to my kids and my mom. My dad had passed away several years before. And my brother and then close friends.

Dan:

And so it was a process of really several years of not only coming out to people, but also figuring out what to do with marriage and household and all those things that had to be undone in a way. And so that was really just... By the time I got separated was really just at the end of 2018. So I was 48-years-old before I really came out, started living as a gay man dating. I think I was 48, maybe I was 47. 48, because I'm 51 now. It's been quite a 00:09:00journey just to try to live authentically after all that time.

Tristan, Interviewer:

How were those conversations for you? Was there positive reception?

Dan:

Yeah. Everybody was really amazing. My wife was just super supportive and understanding and we never thought and she never got angry and just really incredible. Obviously it was hard. We knew that this changed everything and probably meant the end of our marriage and having separate households and all 00:10:00that, but really, she helped me a lot and I'm really grateful for that. My kids were older, they were teenagers, and they them growing up in Asheville and the time they grew up, just in a lot of ways it wasn't a big deal.

Dan:

Obviously, it was a big deal for our family, but I think, again, I'm really grateful that my kids were both, I think, just happy to know me more fully and to see who I am and see me living my truth. And again, I think there were hard things about it being such a big change for our family, but really they were 00:11:00super supportive. Same thing with my other family and friends, everybody was really supportive and accepting.

Tristan, Interviewer:

That is very awesome. At least I'm sure it must've been really hard to do that.

Dan:

Yeah.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Pretty recent too. You said 48?

Dan:

Yeah. The whole process started maybe when I was 45 or 46. And then started living on my own when I was 48. One of the hardest parts is just me finding my voice and just being able to speak authentically without this filter on all the 00:12:00time. And that's still something I work on, is trying not to so carefully choose all my words and make sure that nobody finds out who I really am. It's...

Tristan, Interviewer:

That air of social perception, maintaining that.

Dan:

Yeah.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Have you been to anything like pride or anything like that in the past, or was that not really a part of your life?

Dan:

I was a lot of those things. I just stayed away from because it was I guess too close to being found out or who I really was, so I didn't really have much 00:13:00exposure to the gay community. I've had gay friends and acquaintances over the years. When I was in graduate school, I worked at a retail place where most of the staff was gay. But even by that time, I thought of myself as separate from them, separate from the community, because by that time I had really just buried the whole idea of me being gay. Again, didn't bury the feelings, but buried just the notion that I could be a gay man. I went to a pride event in Chicago after I came out, but before I was separated and that was my first really big step into 00:14:00the gay community moment.

Tristan, Interviewer:

How was that for you? Was it comfortable or were you... Sorry, I'm trying to find the right words.

Dan:

No, that's a good question because it was like... Well, one, I was alone, but also there was nothing secretive about me being there either. So I felt like I was there out. I told my family that, "Hey, I'm going to this thing while I'm in Chicago." But I felt like still just an observer at that point, a lot because I was alone and I didn't have anybody to share the experience with. But I think 00:15:00for quite a while after coming out, I felt like I was just observing instead of really being a part of any community. And that was just a feeling I had to get past.

Tristan, Interviewer:

How is that now? Do you feel more as a member of the community or is it still something you're getting used to?

Dan:

Well, I feel very authentic and comfortable and I feel like I'm participating. I don't have that observer feeling anymore. I have a mix of gay and straight friends and male and female, and that's nice. I wouldn't say that... I don't 00:16:00know how to describe the gay community in Asheville, if there is a way to describe it, but certainly know a lot more people than I used to and feel comfortable around them, but I wouldn't say really I'm part of the gay community, so to speak, if there is even one here.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Especially I'm sure living on the outside looking in for so many years, I'm sure that's pretty hard to unlearn and readjust and stuff.

Dan:

I'm not the only one with this story and I've met other people who came out later in life or were in straight relationships for a long time. It's not 00:17:00uncommon, but at the same time, I do feel like sometimes still do feel different than people who came out when they were young and whether that's as teenagers or in their twenties or just coming out in my forties is just a different experience. And so sometimes I feel that difference. Or there are some people who came out late, but were still having gay experiences when they were younger, which I didn't really have either. So I don't meet a lot of people who not only came out late, but also didn't start having gay experiences until late in life 00:18:00either. But it doesn't make me feel like an outsider, it's just a difference.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Do you mind if I ask about what those gay experiences were like for you?

Dan:

I'd say generally, I felt like a teenager who has had some angst around it and didn't... In some ways still do. I feel like I just... I feel like I had to go through some of those developmental steps that I didn't really go through. The first part when I came out and was trying dating and all that, it was a lonely 00:19:00feeling because I just felt like I should be old enough to know exactly what I'm doing and know what I want but I didn't. I just had to fumble my way through and figure it out, which ultimately was really good for me, but it was just... It felt like a whole new set of emotions for me now.

Tristan, Interviewer:

I can imagine. I'm sorry. My dog's barking now.

Dan:

No worries.

Tristan, Interviewer:

What led up to the moment where you're like, "I do have attraction for men?" You 00:20:00said that was in your childhood? Sorry.

Dan:

I think right after I first came out and if someone asked me, "When did you first know you were gay?" I probably would have said 12 or 14, about that time when eighth grade or freshman in high school and those feelings become really strong. But then since I've come out, and I think about it more, it's like, no, really, I can trace some of it back to as early as third grade or maybe even earlier than that. In other words, I just realized, no, I've always been gay. It's not like I hit puberty or whatever and all of a sudden I was gay. So I 00:21:00think that's been a process for me too, is to really go back even further than that and figure out how it shaped me growing up to basically be hiding who I was all that time.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Sorry, I'm struggling with my thoughts right now.

Dan:

No. Take your time.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Thank you. Do you have specific memories or maybe a specific instance when you were in third grade, a moment that was a clue where looking back now, you're like, "I knew back then?"

Dan:

Yeah. Maybe I'd say in fourth grade or fifth grade, I specifically remember when 00:22:00boys and girls would start to say they were going with someone, even someone like their boyfriend, girlfriend, even though that's the age where people don't really see each other or anything, but they still say that they're boyfriend and girlfriend. I think that's the age where I just started to realize that I was really just learning it as an actor, almost. I was just imitating what people around me were doing because was like, "This is what we do now. We say we're going out with a girl and then..." So that just kept going, where I'm like, in middle school, "I guess this means ask a girl to dance, I guess this means..."

Dan:

So it was like I was just... From a pretty early age, instead of figuring out 00:23:00what I wanted and what I should do next, I was just determining what my script should be and then following it. And that spilled over I think then to other... I'm sorry. My dog is having a moment there.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Throwing up?

Dan:

Not exactly. She was chewing on a treat and then must have... A little bit of... There. That's fine. Not much, but-

Tristan, Interviewer:

. . .you can.

Dan:

At least she's not choking as well. Still going here.

Tristan, Interviewer:

[inaudible 00:24:06]

Dan:

You can either edit this out or just leave it in for authenticity.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Authenticity is fine. I'm not sure if you can hear it, but my dog has just been sitting at the door whining the past 10 minutes.

Dan:

[inaudible]

Tristan, Interviewer:

It is.

Dan:

Can be a little bit distracting. So I can't remember exactly where I was headed with that.

Tristan, Interviewer:

You were talking about just learning to... what your script is supposed to be and how that carried over your early-

Dan:

I think I would say that it's spilled over into other areas of my life where I just didn't have a lot of sense of agency, I just looked to others to tell me what to do next, not in every area of my life or it wasn't debilitating or 00:25:00anything, but it was just definitely my way of approaching most things was to look to somebody else for clues about what I should do next and in a lot of different areas. That's another thing that I'm still working on after coming out, is just having that sense of autonomy and agency and deciding what I want and how to get it.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Do you have any, or know any experiences with segregation with the LGBT community? Is that something you've witnessed or experienced firsthand, 00:26:00especially growing up in rural Kentucky?

Dan:

Yeah. It's definitely a sense of... At the time when I grew up, there was a sense that it would be really be a threat to my personal safety to be gay, first of all, in rural Kentucky that most... Anything gay that I heard about that was happening in Kentucky was very rumor-based or secretive that men got caught having sex in the bathroom on the college campus, or that men were in the nearby city of Lexington. There was news reports like men got arrested for having sex in the park. It was that kind of thing. So it was really... Not even at that point to the point where I could say it was even there were discriminatory 00:27:00things happening. It was really just more very secretive or, again... But also that fear of if someone found out, I could really just get beat up. That was part of the feeling.

Dan:

And also, when I was in high school age is when the AIDS crisis really blew up also. So that was also a pretty big part of my story, is not only would it potentially, I thought, in some way ruin my life and cut me off from everybody if they found out I was gay, but that it also seemed like it could be deadly. That was when there wasn't a lot of information about AIDS, just that gay people 00:28:00were dying from it. And it really was, as you probably know, just large numbers of people dying. So it was scary. That was another reason that it was called the gay plague for a while. And it was just not a lot of support or understanding of it as a disease. That started to change obviously more in the '90s, but that was definitely a big factor for me.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Is there anything else about the AIDS epidemic that was super meaningful to you, 00:29:00especially in those early years where the knowledge was so limited?

Dan:

I was in boy scouts and we were on a camping trip and there were scouts there, kids there from all over. And I remember I was talking to this one kid from Florida or somewhere, and he seemed super nice but he just said very matter-of-factly something about AIDS that was like... He's like, "People say that it's just God's punishment for being gay." And he's like, "I don't know." 00:30:00He's like, "I'm not sure, but..." He said, "It has to be something like that. Why would it just be gay people getting it?"

Dan:

And so it's things like that that really, I think, stuck with me more than I realized, just that I obviously didn't believe it was God's punishment for anything, but just the perception of it as, one, it was certain to be deadly. There was no surviving as HIV positive at the time. That was a scary thing just in terms of if you got it, that was it and there were no... I guess until the early '90s, at least when there began to be some medicines that would prolong 00:31:00people's lives and that just got better and better, but that's basically all I knew.

Tristan, Interviewer:

It's scary the way that ideas like that pass down to children.

Dan:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). And the other thing was that, like I said, some of the examples I had in the media or whatever, I knew that Liberace was gay or the village people were gay. It's like I had these extreme examples of... Until 00:32:00Freddie Mercury died of AIDS, he wasn't even really out as gay. Everybody knew he was gay, but it was just... It's just funny to think that I... Not funny really, but I grew up in a time when even Elton John and Freddie Mercury were not really out as gay. They were known to be gay, I guess, but not really identifying as gay. That really brings it home, this idea that even the most iconic people who we now think of as iconic gay, people in the media were not really even out. And so it's...

Tristan, Interviewer:

Sounds like I didn't know much about that, honestly. But it is humbling to think 00:33:00that even they didn't feel comfortable in a space to be out even as influential people.

Dan:

Yeah. And just wasn't as much of a... Even conversations about coming out weren't really happening very much.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Was coming out a known thing back in your early life or growing up in the '80s and early '90s?

Dan:

It wasn't really known to me personally. It certainly was, and now of course I know that people did come out to family. And so I think there was such a thing 00:34:00as a coming out process, but I didn't really know those words to be able to say it that way. And/or that was not just the timing, but the location too, just being in Kentucky. I'm sure it was different in other cities, in other places.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Do you feel comfortable talking about your experience with your marriage and what that was like for you?

Dan:

Sure. Well, let's see. We had our first date when I was 19 about to turn 20, so 00:35:00I was pretty young. We were both pretty naive in a way. This is pre-internet and so everybody was a little naive in a way, which there were nice things about that too, of we had a sweet relationship and we didn't, I guess, really know what we were missing, but everything worked, even our love life, and we great very companions. But I guess part of it was just, by that point, I had totally shut off this other part of myself.

Dan:

So most of my marriage, really in some ways all of it, felt authentic in a way. 00:36:00I guess I didn't really realize the parts of me that had been closed off. It wasn't like I woke up every day and felt like I was living a lie. It was just, I had this piece of me that was just shut off from the rest of the world. That's remarkable when I think back to how well most everything worked in our marriage, but that's just a testament to the fact that we loved each other and were good companions. So that made coming out even harder. If we didn't like each other, it would have been easier, but not that I would've wanted it to be that way. But 00:37:00it just made it hard to have to make such a big change.

Tristan, Interviewer:

I can't imagine, just especially because it sounds like you were comfortable for such an extended period of time, and then having to be like, "I have to make this decision." That's-

Dan:

Looking back, I probably was not really comfortable. It was damaging to my mental health, and I think I realized that at some point that my mental health was really going to suffer if I didn't change. That just became more evident as 00:38:00I was able to say things out loud and realize how close off I'd been. But I think the part where maybe it seemed like I was comfortable was I just wrapped up a lot of my identity and family. I was a dad and a husband and it was good. That was a nice identity to have, but just realized that I was ignoring some really other core parts of myself.

Dan:

Since the time I came out and I started doing some community theater and I was 00:39:00writing poetry and I just felt generally more free to express myself in a lot of different ways that I, for some reason, just held back because it was part of maybe being exposed before, and even tried a little bit of standup comedy. I was just doing anything I could to expose myself artistically too, and that was very freeing and fun. COVID shut a lot of that down.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Unfortunately.

Dan:

That's another big part of it for me right now, is that I felt like I finally got to go to the party and then the party got canceled. I'm sure a lot of people feel that way. It's not unique to my circumstances, but I'm sure a lot of people your age especially feel that way in different circumstances of a lot of the things that I was starting to feel like I was out there living in the community authentically where things like concerts and clubs and festivals and whatever it might be. That was really part of where I was feeling like I was making progress 00:41:00in a way. And then theater. So that's been hard also.

Tristan, Interviewer:

It's really unfortunate that COVID has happened at such a pivotal time in your life, it seems.

Dan:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Tristan, Interviewer:

Are you still able to find those connections and express yourself artistically during COVID or-

Dan:

Well, one really good thing during COVID is that I'm in a relationship now that I've been in for about six months, and before COVID I would have said, "I don't know if I'm ever going to be in another serious relationship. I don't know that I want it." But it's been a great thing that's happened and really has informed 00:42:00my perspective on so many things to just be in a serious relationship again. It's been a lot of fun. And then I have friends that I've been able to see regularly that it just makes... When I do get time with friends, just makes it seem that much better to think that we're able to figure out how to do it during a pandemic.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Do you want to talk more about being in another serious relationship and how you met your partner?

Dan:

Sure. He's amazing. We met on a dating app and had a really cute first date where he had just moved here from Brooklyn and was staying with a family and in a pod where they were very COVID insulated and quarantined. And so our first date was a distance date and in the park. And then we went to the white bar taco and ate outside and talked for four hours. That was so different for me because 00:44:00I'd been on a lot of dates, but not really traditional go-to-dinner and talk dates. So that was really fun.

Dan:

And I think for the first several weeks, or even a couple of months, we were both hesitant about just being vulnerable enough to be in a relationship. We have a pretty big age difference, but that really doesn't matter to either one of us, except for the fact that it just creates one of those things in the beginning where it's like, "Should we have any hesitancy about this or red 00:45:00flags, or what happens long-term since we're this age difference?" But then once we got through that, we just have so much fun and we're so compatible and just really love each other and it's really been such a great thing.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Very awesome.

Dan:

I still have these moments, I guess, where COVID and everything makes it feel like, "Well, when does the party start again?" And I think some of that angst comes out in relationship, just that restlessness that I have. But yeah, it's a 00:46:00really great thing and we're planning to do some travel together and so I'm in a good place.

Tristan, Interviewer:

I love the park date. It's very wholesome [crosstalk 00:46:36] and good.

Dan:

And then he went back and asked his roommate, is it okay if I get a little bit closer to this guy? And so it was very cute, but-

Tristan, Interviewer:

Oh my!

Dan:

[inaudible] getting permission to take it further. That was really cute. My 00:47:00former spouse is also in a serious relationship. She's been in a relationship longer than I have, probably going on a year and a half now, maybe. And so she's really happy too, and that's been nice that she has part two to her story happening.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Y'all still have that close companion or a good friendship still?

Dan:

We do. It's transitions. When we first separated, I think we still felt like we 00:48:00depended on each other emotionally. We had been operating as one person in some ways for a long time, and so it was hard to not have that person as the constant mirror for a while, but then we really transitioned to just being friends. We see each other fairly regularly and get along really well, so...

Dan:

And so in some... I'm sorry, if you had a thought of...

Tristan, Interviewer:

I was running through my head there. I was going to ask about what your experiences were like before COVID. But if you have another thought, I'd be happy to run along with that.

Dan:

No, I was just going to say that it's interesting that I'm glad to be able to participate in this Archive. In some ways, though, it's like I've been here all this time for 23 years, but in terms of my history with being in Asheville as a gay man, it's a really short period of time. That's an interesting way to be coming into this story. You were going to ask about pre-COVID, what it was like or...

Tristan, Interviewer:

Yeah, when you started going to more LGBT-centered gatherings, was that your first dive into it besides that one pride you went to?

Dan:

Definitely. Again, for a while, like I said, I felt a bit like an observer. And I didn't really have a lot of connections or support. I had support from my previous life, from my family and had that support, but in terms of... I 00:51:00operated a lot as a loner. And I always said I'm a loner, but I hate being alone. So I would go out by myself and it took a lot of... That was a big change for me. I would just go and say, "I'm going to go to the gay bar, and I'm going to go in and I'm totally by myself and I'm going to talk to people or not." And not just gay bar, but other places out and about, and just I'd go to karaoke night or stand up comedy night or whatever it was.

Dan:

I spent a lot of time just trying to be out places, whether it was seeing live music or just trying to go where something was happening, but it was nice to 00:52:00feel seen in that way, but at the same time, it was still lonely because I was largely... At some times I'd have a friend that I would go with. And then when I was doing theater, I had a group of theater friends who I would go out with, and so developed some different connections. But a lot of it was pretty just operating alone mostly for a while.

Dan:

But I do remember getting invited to go with a group of guys to play in Waynesville and it was like for couples. I wasn't really part of a couple, but I 00:53:00was there with them. And that felt like one of the first... Like I'm hanging out with a group of gay friends kind of experience. And then since COVID, I've developed a group of friends that, like I said before, is a mix of gay and straight and men and women that didn't... And they're all a lot younger than I am, but I feel very connected and included and we've figured out ways to socialize during COVID that thankfully have all been safe.

Tristan, Interviewer:

This is LGBT-centered, but I am curious about your standup.

Dan:

Okay.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Yeah.

Dan:

Well, there are several things I liked about going to the open mic stand up nights. And I had no idea that basically in Asheville, there were four opportunities a week where people... And there were a lot of people doing it and trying it. I feel like some of them were really professional or trying to be professional stand up comics. And I think Asheville maybe was a good testing ground, you know?

Tristan, Interviewer:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Dan:

And so I was really surprised that we had four pretty active open mic stand up 00:55:00events, and the people who were good went to a lot of them. They went to one or two or more a week and they were doing it all the time. So I learned a lot. And the good thing about it was that... Standup is such a funny thing because so many people bomb, even people who are good, it just depends on who's in the crowd and what the energy is and subtle things in the delivery. And so even people that are really good at it end up either bombing... Getting one or two laughs sometimes, or it just totally depends.

Dan:

So it felt less intimidating in that way, and also less intimidating that nobody had any idea who I was, so I could just stand up there and be whoever I wanted to be and say whatever I wanted to say. And so it was freeing in that way in 00:56:00that I get to take on a personality and say things outlandish and sometimes really personal things that I wouldn't say to friends or family. And I was so glad that I never saw anybody I knew in the audience because that would have been a totally different feeling. I felt comfortable in a way in front of strangers. It's still terrifying. It's still like jumping out of a plane and not knowing if the parachute is going to open or something because it's so spontaneous and there's not a script.

Dan:

I felt like in theater, that if I just worked really hard and practiced a lot, I would know my lines and I felt like, not have a leg up, but I knew that if there 00:57:00were singing parts, if I knew my harmonies really well, if I had my lines memorized, I could keep up. But comedy it's, you have to be much more just in the moment, thinking on your feet, changing things up if you need to-

Tristan, Interviewer:

Really hard.

Dan:

Really hard. And because I wasn't going really often, I was not one of the known people, and so I would end up near the end of the signup list. And sometimes it would be 30 people signed up. That was the only downside of it, is just sitting there for a couple of hours waiting to go on and not knowing if there'd be anybody left in the crowd.

Tristan, Interviewer:

[inaudible 00:58:02] become into fester and anxiety.

Dan:

Yeah, it either would be anxiety or it'd be like, who cares? It doesn't matter at this point. Everybody's either drunk or about to leave, so it doesn't matter if it's good or not.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Is there anything else you would like to share regarding life or...

Dan:

Yeah, I think, like I said, one thing that's interesting about participating is I try to think about what... Being in Asheville for so long, but not really 00:59:00knowing any gay people in Asheville was just interesting. I know there were probably other people like me, and I wonder who they were, the other people that were basically just not being authentic or not facing their truth. I guess that's the other interesting thing to me, is when I started to come out and I'm just realizing that it's something everybody should be doing, whether they're coming out of the closet or not, is just examining their lives and trying to grow and change and all those things.

Dan:

And so in some ways I felt bad for the people who weren't doing it, no matter what their truth is, just people who just stopped that process of 01:00:00self-examination or trying to grow or make changes if change is necessary. So that was a real positive thing for really everybody in my family in a way. We realized that just to realize that, be honest with yourself and change something if you need to change, even if it's hard. And so that was one really good aspect of the whole thing.

Tristan, Interviewer:

It's like you were influential just by opening up and making the change that you needed to make.

Dan:

Yeah.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Cool.

Dan:

It definitely lifted a big weight

Tristan, Interviewer:

I think I am out of questions.

Dan:

I think I got out most everything that I needed to say, or that could be interesting too.

Tristan, Interviewer:

I really appreciate you sharing your story with the Archive.

Dan:

Absolutely. I'm glad to do it. I enjoyed it.

Tristan, Interviewer:

I'm never really sure how to end.

Dan:

I know. That's been the interesting thing now that all my meetings are remote and everything. When the meeting's over, it's just like everybody's out in an instant, there's no lingering conversations. That's very different, but it was nice meeting you and enjoyed talking to you.

Tristan, Interviewer:

You too.

Dan:

Best of luck with everything.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Let me to stop the recording. Okay, cool. I hope you have a good day. Thank you so much. I hope.

Dan:

It went well. Good job. I really appreciate it. But I did it. Let me know if you need anything else about a follow up. I don't know what it would be, but you can just reach out if you do.

Tristan, Interviewer:

Okay.

Dan:

All right. Take care.

Tristan, Interviewer:

You too.

Dan:

Bye.